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Thursday, October 13, 2011

Call to Emergence




For a bit of a time now, I've been very silent about my journey. My intimate friends wouldn't want to touch this area of my life for fear, perhaps, that I may break down to tears again after I've settled my mind on defying gravity.

But the truth is... I still pine for that day that Sam will come back... perhaps, not anymore having the same relationship as I had with him for two years. Only this longing that he'd close this chapter in my life---maybe it's even very demanding to ask that I see him... 

My mom and my wise friends would tell me that it was God's way of showing me that things will not work out well in a long distance "online" relationship. 

It's just that nobody knows except God how I've emerged as a better person because of Sam. I know how we've been transformed from selfish self centered beings to generous people. 

I propose that I talk about the love that I had with him not to generate hurt or pain--- on the contrary, but to rekindle that same feeling not attached to the person... but to the goodness that that love brought.

I propose that I leave this wound open. Unlike other wounds, this one will not be healed by time. Only God could ever... hold my heart and keep me strong.

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I'm learning the rules of "forever"...

Sam... my world revolved around you these two years... I knew from the beginning that it was an illusion to ever have you--- but I am very grateful that you allowed me to love you... Thank you for being a part of my life...

I pray you're happy wherever you are now.... and if... just if, you ever come back...then you're really meant for me...

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