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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Young at Heart

part 2 Poverty: On Human Intimacy


I haven’t really been myself these past few weeks. That is, apart from meeting the deadlines at work, I spent sleepless nights reflecting on things I have discovered about myself …

          Music was my sole comfort;
                                 Psalms, my companion and
                                                the children, my slight distraction.

I have set my mind on walking forward, but there always seems to be something that draws me back... 

Rafa-el gently whispered, "Face it Melissa...this time, do it with me..."


November 6, 2010 at 5:57am
I have been reflecting a lot lately about what Archbishop Cruz said... it might be that he was referring to P-noy...but it holds true for most of us single men and women here, "old people,"  he chided.  I enjoy my single celibate life ...
*pause*
but I still yearn for my love's warm hugs, dates every Friday night, seemingly endless conversations til late, long distance calls, short mushy messages...

I find myself irritable over the slightest things. It appalls me that it happens even outside its normal occurrences, i.e. period or birthday.

It is as if my hormones are prodding me to take another step.

I wrapped myself in a cold blanket of 'longing' and found myself engaged in a deep conversation with God, "You alone are enough...but why do I feel this way?"




Even after work, especially when my little niece is at home, my mind would just race to the house, imagining how happy she'd be when she sees me... spending time with her, playing and reading her bedtime stories...

One of those crazy unrehearsed days 
I'd often imagine coming home to my daughter's delight. Only to be deluded by the reality that my nieces belong to their parents...

Belle with her favorite story book
My mom says I have set my own rules and standards in life. I could've settled for romance when I was 'younger' but my heart was focused on something else. I cringe at the thought of 'blending' in with somebody else at this time...
Oh God, how mysterious You are, I'd say...but He told me that I made my own choices and I decided on what I thought was good for me. "I am with you...," again reminded Rafa-el.

Well, should it be "imprudent" if  I get involved at my thirties? Erik Erikson says I'm still within the domain of "intimacy" vs. "isolation"... 
"It is imprudent for old people---35 years and above--- to get married. Reason? Marriage is a blending of a couple. Old people, however, are already set in their likes and dislikes. And above all realities, they are used to living alone."- quotes Archbishop Oscar Cruz
so I pray, God keep my heart young.  
Yes, I'd give up forever to touch you! *IRIS by the Goo Goo Dolls



44 comments:

  1. Melissa, I just prayed today that God would send the perfect man for you into your life. Dear, with all due respect, I must respectfully disagree with the learned archbishop - we are never too old to find true and lasting love. Danny and I didn't meet until we were about to turn 50 and it's a marriage made in Heaven.
    Trust that God has beautiful, fulfilling plans for you and, for now, relax and rest in His comforting arms.
    Love and hugs!

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    1. Oh thank you so much Martha :D I truly feel the effects of your prayer. I wrote this entry in 2010 and had it revisited this year.

      I always thought God wanted me for Himself, I realized later that it was more of MY plan than His. Then I met Sam but He also took him away. Then I focused on something else ~ perhaps it's the hormones that does this :P Women are such complex beings LOL...

      I will relax, yes, maybe all the stresses are coming out too at this time. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me.

      It makes me think that amidst domestic problems in families, there are really exceptional marriages :)

      Lots of love :*

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  2. Melissa, you could have your pick girl! One as lovely as you, both in body and soul, you could be selective ;-) And my advice to you: take Martha’s word for it. There is no such thing as being too old for just the right soul mate. But then again, you already have one Beloved. Rejoice and be glad! At the same time, keep your eyes wide open ;-)

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    1. Oh how lovely Debra! I think I could handle the 'getting old' part but if I wish to have babies then at 40, it'll be quite a risk.

      What if in the end, it's really me and Him...who truly knows? ;)

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    2. Let me share this with you. Meditate on it. Perfect Time by Moya Brennan.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0ApvHVFIVw

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  3. Melissa, I have to agree with our wise sister Martha. You my dear, are quite young and full of love to share. Don't dismay; the good lord knows your heart's desire and he will provide the man who will cherish you. You're amazing and lovely my sweet sister.
    Sending love,
    Leah

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    1. I agree Leah, God knows our deepest desires and perhaps that's one of the reasons why . . . He can't find that 'true' desire inside of me. I couldn't even pray for it right now...I guess my needs are more physiological and emotional.I hope it doesn't spring out of seasons.

      Thanks Leah love :*

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  4. Thanks for sharing, Melissa. I could say we're in the same situation. God is indeed enough, but if He has other plans for us like finding a partner in life, His will would certainly prevail. No person could ever say we're too old or too late for that, even ourselves. ;)

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    1. I've unmasked a part of myself...it feels so light after sharing that. Thank you Joyce. I wouldn't wish to be a hindrance to God's plans :P...Yes, never too old...never too late ;)

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  5. Uhhmmm...I somehow feel part of this post. Honestly, I am already 21 and I have not gone into relationships, not even flings. Many had crush on me but I don't reciprocate the feeling. I have a crush who I don't know personally.

    But I think it's never too late in love. I know I should not be saying this because I'm inexperienced myself but there is nothing wrong in hoping for the right person for us to arrive someday.

    I hope you find your Knight in shining armor. He might just be closer than you think.

    Take care Melissa! Fighting!!!

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    1. Your words are filled with wisdom and you're always welcome to express your opinions :) Be at peace.

      I guess our hearts are focused on something else at this moment. It;s not everyday that I ask for this grace...the thought of having somebody beside me comes and goes. It's just that I'm facing it right now and not shooing it away :P

      Ooo, it's too warm in the Philippines to have such heavy suit :P I'd settle for someone in casual clothes LOL.

      Ahahaha... fight, that's funny LOL!

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  6. Melissa sweetie tell that dear 'old' Archbishop that he might get a visit from a not-so-sweet 'old' woman in India who will tell him things that might make him blush! For your information, I've had priests and nuns and laypeople telling me I had a 'vocation' to be single and celibate - that gave me no end of pain and confusion - but I followed my heart. I met Jose when I was 41 and he was 51 and in days we 'knew' and in months we were married - first marriage for both of us. So you dearest, sister of my heart, just keep following your heart and it will lead you to all that God has set apart for you. ♥

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    1. Hmmm...wow! I wish it were that easy. I like listening to your love story again and again. Yes, I'll follow my heart BS...I promised myself this time, I will.

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    2. Melissa the run up to meeting Jose wasn't easy - I made so many mistakes on the way - but following your heart is the key, I learned. I know you will follow yours - it's so full of love and wisdom ♥

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  7. Dear Melissa,
    Even though we were created with wants and needs for another human being, the greatest love of all is to serve the Almighty with a pure, loving heart. As the apostle Paul said "Deaden your body members." Anyone can tell you have a loving heart. There is never a time limit on love, for love comes to us unexpectedly. Love has no age, but is always beautiful when shared. The man who ends up being the keeper of your heart will indeed be truly blessed because you have so much to give. Keep your heart open to love, dear Melissa, for love will find you when it's good and ready.

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    1. Oh Andy, I have forgotten how it is and when this kind of yearning comes, I feel awkward. I couldn't relate to love in another level...but I will heed your advice, I will be receptive to love...Thank you dear friend.

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  8. Dear One,
    You are not that old to blend with someone.As for love age doesn't matter...it happens :)
    I wish you get someone soon to whom you truly deserves.

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    1. My SD once said I blend in so much with the youth :) Perhaps God sees me through another plan instead.

      To tell you the truth, I'm looking for a catechist more than a boyfriend. Someone who could spend time with the children on weekends :P...

      Well, if God gives me a catechist boyfriend then that would be hitting two birds with one stone. But then again, that's also wishing too much in a day LOL!

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  9. What do I tell u dear soul sis......But I firmly believe that it will happen someday.......because u have the most beautiful and the most pure soul I have seen..As Corinne rightly said,God has something special in store for u...because u deserve nothing but the best!!!
    I love u with all my heart.

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    1. Thanks soul sis :) I always repeat that to myself: I deserve the best. So perhaps, God is still creating the best for me LOL....or perhaps, this could also be the best vocation for me. Keep praying with me. I delight in our soul connection :)

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  10. dearest Mom, how can I pass any comment on this? But, yes,'Love is God' and if you find a true love I'd be the happiest daughter ever!
    -Portia

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    1. Thank you dear one! Pray with me for discernment and that God will give me enlightenment :)

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  11. I married Phyllis when I was 38 and love has always been there right along with intimacy! Intimacy is the nourishment that help the love live on. Your still a young vibrant women with so many great years ahead, God may help but everyone needs to take control and put themselves in the right frame of mind, not needy but open. You will find the right person when it is the right time in your life. I know sometimes it feels like it will never happen but most of us have felt that way in our lives, then it does. NEVER make a choice based on being afraid but listen to your heart and your brain, really listen!!!

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    1. Wow! Thanks Jim :) Very wise!

      Ooo you're right...maybe I'm getting impatient LOL. It always seems that I miss the train.

      God leads the way, we make our decisions. I'll LISTEN :)

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  12. ... listen to your heart! I met The One when I was 33 and by the time I was 38 we had two kids and in January we will celebrate 10 years. We like each other. We laugh and cry together. We love our children. We love each other. We've even loved the ugly in each other. He is the one I want to call when something happens. I am the one he calls when something happens.

    Keep yourself and your eyes wide open... do not let something someone said to keep you from what you want and deserve! You deserve love and to be loved, you know that, right?!

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    1. Ooo Amy :D What a wonderful love story!

      Perhaps, I just paused when the Bishop said that... I could also see that I do wish to have 'my' way fulfilled. I'm also checking if I have space for another person.

      It's a statement that couldn't be true for everybody. Thanks for sharing your stories here to prove that point :)

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  13. I completely agree with Martha...that nobody is too old to find a partner to love and share their life with! If it is one of your deepest desires, perhaps it is also God prompting you to open your awareness to be ready and receptive to any opportunities He puts forth. Btw..you are nowhere near "old"! ;)

    Just to let you in on a little secret...Those of us who are with someone and married...well..it isn't as "glorious" as it is always made out to be. Having someone to wake up in the morning with is truly a blessing but there are times when you wake up and wonder who it is that is actually sleeping next to you, feeling as if you've totally grown distant and no longer know that person. I've been there..still there sometimes..I'm just saying that though the grass seems greener, it isn't always. Follow your heart...God is there...keep that heart young and ready and alert...and you just never know what happens...God loves to send surprises. ;)

    Love you sis. :)

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    1. Thanks for letting me in to that secret :) I truly appreciate how you care and look out for me. You are such a wonderful blessing!

      I always think that God prepares me for every situation~ perhaps making the soil richer before He finally plants His seed. Perhaps, God sees me not ready to get involved or perhaps even pulling me away from such situations because He knows I couldn't handle it.

      You have turned this sorrow into joy through your words. Now I feel more grateful :)

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  14. Everyone has said it all...Amen! God bless and best wishes to you.

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  15. Once can never be too old for love soul sis. I can feel the restlessness in you. Dont give up that hope and I know one of these days your heart will be filled with love by someone.

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    1. Perhaps, I'm so at it (the age) because of the issue on childbearing.

      You truly know what's 'bothering' me...you are right, I couldn't handle the restlessness.

      I'm opening myself to hope and possibilities :)

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  16. When u will meet Mr right at right time then u will see.

    Going through same stuff.lOL
    Follow each others blog.

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    1. Hi Izdiher, I visited your blog :)

      Well, I think my heart will know when it's him and when it's time :P...but only God knows if it's 'right' LOL! Thanks!

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  17. "You alone are enough...but why do I feel this way?" Your statement just shows that you are human, Melissa. And I think, being human, we will always have this feeling of incompleteness. I guess this is where our need for a perfect and complete God comes in. This is the reason for us to cling to and draw strength from Him. We will never be without wants and unfulfilled needs, but there will always be a God ready to fill in the missing piece.

    One priest said that it is also a blessing being single, that's why it's called single-blessedness. Not everyone has the strength to handle the "sadness" of being alone. But of course, we will never truly be alone because God is always with us. :-)

    On another note, one of my aunts got married when she was 40-something (We actually thought she would stay single for the rest of her life. But we were wrong.) Well of course, she was no longer able to bear a child, but she has a loving step daughter who loves and treats her like a biological mother. :-)

    Life is full of endless possibilities, Melissa. And the future is always full of surprises. But God will always have a beautiful plan for your life. Take care <3 :-)

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    1. Wow! What a wonderful reflection Irene. I agree, our hearts are made for God.

      It takes real discernment to know one's real vocation. I'm glad that you took part in my journey, perhaps God is giving me the signals already and I couldn't tune in because of the many resistances I have inside.

      You know how well I love surprises :D Yey!

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  18. Melissa, as a single girl in this world, I often have nights where I am left thinking and asking questions myself. But, I know God has a plan for me that may be bigger than my desires and dreams. It is a daily challenges to reconcile what I what with what is, but I am blessed to have family, friends, admirers, my talents, hobbies and aspirations to keep me company. You are always so honest and authentic in your posts. I believe these are your best qualities and to find someone that can match up with all that goodness often takes time.

    Many blessings to you dear one. You are a blessing, so you shall be sent a blessing. Hugs to you mamita!

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  19. Corrections: It is a daily challenge to reconcile what I want with what is, but I am blessed to have family, friends, admirers, my talents, hobbies and aspirations to keep me company.

    Please pardon my typos. :-)

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    1. No worries Tameka :P

      Thank you for sharing my sentiments. It doesn't occur to me often but perhaps it is something that I have shared with Alpana before... it;s something that not even my closest friends could fill up. Oh well, all in God's time :)

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  20. WOW!!! This IS beautiful, Melissa. I don't think age matters, because it IS in His timing! Don't forget what He did through Abraham and Sarah, in their old age. I know that, the waiting is the hardest part. It often seems like a lifetime....... but He SHALL give you ALL the desires of your heart!!! xo

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    1. Grazie Lisa :) I hope I reach Sarah's age :P

      I do believe He gives our heart's desires :)

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  21. Mely ur reflections never cease to touch me somewhere, I often share some mutual feelings n depth with you...I pray u find ur soul partner soon...we all need one I feel...

    A song by Dire Straits- Water of Love

    I've been too long lonely and my heart feels pain
    Crying out for some soothing rain
    I believe I have taken enough
    I need a little water of love ...

    Listen if u havent...
    N I see my blog link here..O! thanks mely...so nice f u...u did found it worthy enough...

    Lots f love n blessings fr u!
    Mani

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    1. I hope he comes at God's time Mani :)

      Thanks for the song, it sounds amazing as you are :)

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