part 2 Poverty: On Human Intimacy
I'd often imagine coming home to my daughter's delight. Only to be deluded by the reality that my nieces belong to their parents...
I haven’t really been myself these past few weeks. That is, apart from meeting the deadlines at work, I spent sleepless nights reflecting on things I have discovered about myself …
Music was my sole comfort;
Psalms, my companion and
the children, my slight distraction.
I have set my mind on walking forward, but there always seems to be something that draws me back...
Rafa-el gently whispered, "Face it Melissa...this time, do it with me..."
I find myself irritable over the slightest things. It appalls me that it happens even outside its normal occurrences, i.e. period or birthday.
It is as if my hormones are prodding me to take another step.
I wrapped myself in a cold blanket of 'longing' and found myself engaged in a deep conversation with God, "You alone are enough...but why do I feel this way?"
Even after work, especially when my little niece is at home, my mind would just race to the house, imagining how happy she'd be when she sees me... spending time with her, playing and reading her bedtime stories...
|One of those crazy unrehearsed days|
My mom says I have set my own rules and standards in life. I could've settled for romance when I was 'younger' but my heart was focused on something else. I cringe at the thought of 'blending' in with somebody else at this time...Oh God, how mysterious You are, I'd say...but He told me that I made my own choices and I decided on what I thought was good for me. "I am with you...," again reminded Rafa-el.
Well, should it be "imprudent" if I get involved at my thirties? Erik Erikson says I'm still within the domain of "intimacy" vs. "isolation"...
"It is imprudent for old people---35 years and above--- to get married. Reason? Marriage is a blending of a couple. Old people, however, are already set in their likes and dislikes. And above all realities, they are used to living alone."- quotes Archbishop Oscar Cruz
so I pray, God keep my heart young.Yes, I'd give up forever to touch you! *IRIS by the Goo Goo Dolls