Thursday, October 13, 2011

Call to Emergence

For a bit of a time now, I've been very silent about my journey. My intimate friends wouldn't want to touch this area of my life for fear, perhaps, that I may break down to tears again after I've settled my mind on defying gravity.

But the truth is... I still pine for that day that Sam will come back... perhaps, not anymore having the same relationship as I had with him for two years. Only this longing that he'd close this chapter in my life---maybe it's even very demanding to ask that I see him... 

My mom and my wise friends would tell me that it was God's way of showing me that things will not work out well in a long distance "online" relationship. 

It's just that nobody knows except God how I've emerged as a better person because of Sam. I know how we've been transformed from selfish self centered beings to generous people. 

I propose that I talk about the love that I had with him not to generate hurt or pain--- on the contrary, but to rekindle that same feeling not attached to the person... but to the goodness that that love brought.

I propose that I leave this wound open. Unlike other wounds, this one will not be healed by time. Only God could ever... hold my heart and keep me strong.

I'm learning the rules of "forever"...

Sam... my world revolved around you these two years... I knew from the beginning that it was an illusion to ever have you--- but I am very grateful that you allowed me to love you... Thank you for being a part of my life...

I pray you're happy wherever you are now.... and if... just if, you ever come back...then you're really meant for me...