Ahuv Sheli

10 th of September 2014, as I lied on the operating table, my mom’s voice echoed on my mind before the anesthesia took effect, “You have been through your worst.”  I knew she was referring to the depression I had six years ago. There was a stark contrast between my attitude towards life. Back then , I wanted to take my own life. I lost all sense of hope. I found no way out. There was no single soul available to hear my silent pleas for help. Sleeping pills and tranquilizers were temporary relief to my disturbed mind. What I remembered most was this constant replay of negativities in my mind. It irked people to hear the same stories repeated over and over again. The psychiatrist explained the “chemical imbalances” that occurred in my brain and was immediately repaired by medications. My mom was there~ she helped release the “anger” I had deep inside… Now , I held on to dear life, praying that the surgery will proceed without complications.  ...

...I opened up a box I have kept hidden for years… "You were within me, but I was outside..." Late Have I loved You (St. Augustine's prayer)~  Gungor's   http://youtu.be/vxaCs3vRpG0 via Opendrive.com --------------- While this is an anticipation to the next chapters of The Purpose Driven Life, it is also a response to Rick Warren's 20th Chapter on Restoring Broken Relationships. "Who do the crowds say that I am?" ~ Lk. 9,18 NIV I took in a few days away from the net ~ Rick Warren, my prayer partner, intimate friends, work, one-week laundry (?)... I packed up my things Friday afternoon and spent time with a young sage. A few days before I left, I felt a light bulb switched everywhere inside of me (mirroring; enlightenment) , and I began to see the dark creatures that crawled in my being (sins), snatching me away from my focus. My intimate friend redirected  me to the road of gratitude but I felt  wounds opening ...