Monday, February 1, 2021

Blissful Days part 1: Opening our wounds to Christ

We learn to appreciate life by living it...

I was out for a while... hibernating...this time, with a friend who snatched me away  from my ab'normal' crazy days leaving behind tons of work in my desk and my phone mute (for several days). I was unmindful of the endless calls and messages at home and in the office. 

I have not been my 'usual' self since the pilgrimage I had in 2019. A wall I have carefully built between myself and others was torn down and I felt myself vulnerable once again in the face of familiar people. 

I thought that I have outgrown the hurts that I have in the past but experiencing the Lord in Jerusalem exposed my brokenness ~ I started feeling again. The voices I have learned to drown emerged and the pains were unburied. 

I thought tears was a sign of weakness (I have stopped crying for five years). But I  lost my composure before His tomb... I did not lose my peace... I realized that I never had it in the first place. 

A gentle reassuring arm held me as I grieved.  The Lord exposed my need for healing ~ I need not fight my battles alone.

He revealed Himself as Truth.

Let me conclude this first part with an excerpt from The Inner Voice of Love by Henri Nouwen, 

You have been wounded in many ways. The more you open yourself to being healed, the more you will discover how deep your wounds are. You will be tempted to become discouraged, because under every wound you uncover you will find others. Your search for true healing will be a suffering search. Many tears still need to be shed.

But do not be afraid, The simple fact that you are more aware of your wounds shows that you have sufficient strength to face them.

The great challenge is living your wounds through instead of thinking them through. It is better to cry than to worry, better to feel your wounds deeply than to understand them, better to let them enter into your silence than to talk about them. The choice you face constantly is whether you are taking your hurts to your head or to your heart.

In your head you can analyze them, find their causes and consequences, and coin words to speak and write about them. But no final healing is likely to come from that source. You need to let your wounds go down into your heart. Then you can live them through and discover that they will not destroy you. Your heart is greater than your wounds. 

Understanding your wounds can only be healing when that understanding is put at the service of your heart. Going to your heart with your wounds is not easy; it demands letting go of many questions. You want to know “Why was I wounded? When? How? By whom?” You believe that the answers to these questions will bring you relief. But at best they only offer you a little distance from your pain.

You have to let go of the need to stay in control of your pain and trust in the healing power of your heart. There your hurts can find a safe place to be received, and once they have been received, they lose their power to inflict damage and become fruitful soil for new life. 

Think of each wound as you would of a child who has been hurt by a friend. As long as that child is ranting and raving, trying to get back at the friend, one wound leads to another. But when the child can experience the consoling embrace of a parent, she or he can live through the pain, return to the friend, forgive, and build up a new relationship. Be gentle with yourself, and let your heart be your loving parent as you live your wounds through.