Ikigai First Part

It has been a long while since I wrote. I have many things in my mind but work always gets the better of me. I've set aside drawing and music. I felt tense about deadlines but I still added food on my plate (that meant less time for recreation) and I kept going...

BUT if there is one thing we can never postpone... it would be the death of a loved one or a person we knew.

I was torn between celebrating and mourning last Christmas. It was already the 23rd of December when my batchmate broke the news of Sr. Beth's death. Our last conversation was in November before she had her radiation. I saw how fragile she was in a birthday photo shared by one of the sisters who was with her during her treatment. She still wanted to live and still had plans she wanted to carry out, that is why I changed my prayer and asked God if He could grant that miracle. The Lord knows best... her time was up.

On the 2nd of January, while the world rejoiced with hope for the coming of 2022, another family was grieving. This time, it was our art administrator whom I have never spoken to since 2015. I only unblocked him because my 'Artner' posted that he already died. I checked his timeline and saw how he suffered during the entire course of his illness. And while I distanced myself from this person for the last 6 years, I realized how futile it was to continue doing so especially that he is gone. May God give us both peace.

During that time, my cousin Ruth was also staying in the hospital for lung complications. It was devastating to be near that place and not be able to visit her but more so, not be able to reach out. When she died on the 13th of January, we were asked to keep it low - no candles on the profiles, no announcements nor posts on her death. She was a paragon of simplicity. She never once drew attention to herself even while she was still alive ~ her heart outpoured with generosity to those in need. 

All the while, during these deaths, I thought... I was able to give them time ONLY when they all passed away but while they were still here, I was too distant. I regret that I was not able to reconcile with my art admin nor  was I able to visit Sr. Beth and my cousin and I was just a few kilometers away.

I have always known myself as impulsive but perhaps... it's the age and my experiences that pulled me away from my desire to communicate and to open myself up to others... 

I realized that life is short and it became even short-er with the pandemic...

I realized that I still wanted to do many things while I am still alive and that God is forgiving us daily... inviting us to LIFE... a meaningful one... one that is worth living...

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... and so I went out of our house to pay my last respects to our sister and to visit those I have shunned for the last thirteen years...

... we pooled resources to assist our art admin's family...

... my family and relatives came together in prayer.

P.S.

While I was relaxing a bit tonight, I saw the news on Jane 'Nightbirde' Marczewski's demise... 

let me conclude this post with her uplifting words...

"You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy."