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Thursday, October 13, 2011

Call to Emergence




For a bit of a time now, I've been very silent about my journey. My intimate friends wouldn't want to touch this area of my life for fear, perhaps, that I may break down to tears again after I've settled my mind on defying gravity.

But the truth is... I still pine for that day that Sam will come back... perhaps, not anymore having the same relationship as I had with him for two years. Only this longing that he'd close this chapter in my life---maybe it's even very demanding to ask that I see him... 

My mom and my wise friends would tell me that it was God's way of showing me that things will not work out well in a long distance "online" relationship. 

It's just that nobody knows except God how I've emerged as a better person because of Sam. I know how we've been transformed from selfish self centered beings to generous people. 

I propose that I talk about the love that I had with him not to generate hurt or pain--- on the contrary, but to rekindle that same feeling not attached to the person... but to the goodness that that love brought.

I propose that I leave this wound open. Unlike other wounds, this one will not be healed by time. Only God could ever... hold my heart and keep me strong.

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I'm learning the rules of "forever"...

Sam... my world revolved around you these two years... I knew from the beginning that it was an illusion to ever have you--- but I am very grateful that you allowed me to love you... Thank you for being a part of my life...

I pray you're happy wherever you are now.... and if... just if, you ever come back...then you're really meant for me...

15 comments:

  1. Sad...but good that you have become a better person. <3<3<3 XXXX

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  2. Oh,mom,let me hug you!You know,something similar has happened to me.My relationship with Richard is over.Oh, how can a man change so much and so suddenly?He now wants me without my mom!How is that possible in present circumstances?But he won't listen and understand.yes, we really can never understand any person though he may be closest to your heart.
    Mom, you are my beacon and i wish you all the light!
    -PORTIA

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  3. Mel dearest...this is a very brave and honest post (which of yours aren't)...When you love sincerely and deeply, it does change you and make you grow....Someday this kind of ending will make sense, I hope...I too have someone walk away with not a word and I never understood why....Now years later, I see him ever so often (he doesn't recognize me or chooses not to) and I'm with my husband and realize why it could never be and how I much I've changed...As much as it hurts, in the end, it always makes sense...Love you loads...

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  4. Hugs and plenty of it...Love is a very special essence in a human being. It finds its way into us to encourage us to love deeply... then leaves us.. NO it never leaves us.. it is there and in abundance so love again when you heart feels right...

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  5. Beautifully written and heart-felt post, Melissa. Sometimes, we don't know why persons come into our lives, steal our hearts, and then vanish. It has happened to me, too, and I feel for you so.
    You have the right attitude, though - only God can (and will) keep your heart strong.
    Blessings, my dear!

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  6. Melissa,my heart goes out to you,please take care of your self,I have been running away from all,and I can understand how you are feeling,please take care of yourself,I love u and always will.

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  7. Oh My dear one, I'm shocked to know this!
    I can feel the emptiness of your heart..
    It gets too hard to leave to one whom we love with all dedication..But..

    Take care of yourself my dear one..

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  8. Melissa, what a beautiful song and video to pair with this piece. I can relate to this. I have lost a few loves that I thought were the ONE. I pray that you will have a love that is deeper, richer and sweeter in the very near future. I love your honesty and vulnerability. Hugs!

    http://lyricfire.typepad.com/lyric-fire/2011/10/lyric-fire-look-at-my-fabulous-life-episode-8-.html

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  9. Hugs to you. It's so difficult to love and then lose that love as you've found. You are brave to talk about it. Keep posting, you will help others.

    http://www.mariscamera.blogspot.com/

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  10. May God bind your wounds and set your heart free. And me He cause another, the one He has planned for you since He planned you, yourself, to come into your life soon and fill it with the joy of love. I'm so sorry ...it's never easy when a relationship ends. ::hugs::

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  11. Dont know Melissa what to write and how to comfort you. Sometimes we attach so much of meaning to one person that God knows it is not right. We should never let our lives revolve aound one person, it is akin to not following the first comandment of God, to love God above all else. If we love him, we will be of such a state that we take the love he gives us and let go of it when he asks it back. "It came from YOU and YOU can take it back Lord, it doesnt bother me too much as I dont love the ""object" you gave me, I love you for you are the source of everything I get"

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  12. Melissa, my soul sis, you are still hurting. I hope someday you will look back to all this and overcome the pain of losing Sam. Whatever the outcome of love may be, never close your heart to love. Relations come and go, some stay with us all our lives and some are meant to end but the richness that each brings in us will continue to be in us and make us who we are. We all go through hell and back to become better people. You are one good soul that I have had the fortune to come across. Love you

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  13. I been thinking if I should really comment on this...
    Let us say, I agree to what Jerly had written.
    God bless...
    Love will lead you back.

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  14. Hello.
    Melissa, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I've not known you for long, but I'm a pretty good judge of character & I can say you deserve to be treated better than this. Who can ever really say why people fall in and out of love? I know that love never fails us, NEVER. Instead it's we disappoint love because we are, afterall, imperfect humans...incapable of loving perfectly. You are still hurting & that's understandable, but do not close your heart to love. We were created from love to love & be loved. Love has a way of creeping in on us when we least expect it.

    Thank you for your honesty. I know it can't have been easy for you to be so open.
    Many hugs to you.

    Thoughts Of Beauty In The Stillness Of Dawn

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