Ahuv Sheli

It is only after loved ones have left us that we see what was best in them and understand their lives in a new way. Their absence is the source of another mode of presence because it is in the time of absence that presence becomes real and, being condensed, reaches its true reality. ~Jean-Francois Baudoz, Breaks, Chapter 1, With Christ: the Gospel under the guidance of Saint Benedict. (Minnesota, USA: Liturgical Press, Saint John's Abbey), pp. 2-3.~ We have lost several lives in the mission areas where I was assigned ~ in school, at the hospital, in our neighborhood ~ most of them through terminal illnesses, some by accidents, still others because they have reached old age. And yet, in whatever age we might have lost them, since we cannot predict the time and hour when they will depart, we always assert that " life is ( very ) short."  I was struck by the Sunday homily a week ago which spoke mainly of "remembering" ~ commemorating our lost love

I devoured His words but have not fully understood "forgiveness" til now... I have kept the Feast of St. Mary of the Angels [2 August] in my heart and held it in high regard among the Franciscan celebrations. It is also well known as the Pardon of Assisi or the Porziuncola Indulgence .  Inside the walls, I remember role playing San Francesco... in the end, I sent the audience off with these words, " Voglio mandarvi tutti in Paradiso ." I want to send you all in Paradise! ~ but how I struggled each and everyday to bless people when I am offended...fazed...aggrieved...deceived...disgraced... All I ever wanted to do was throw away memories but the Lord kept them intact. I felt mercy's full weight when I was forgiven by a person close to my heart whom I have displeased. My confessor reprimanded me heavily but also told me to be patient and wait. After a week of silence, this person spoke to me. I felt that comp

No Fear in Love written by Steffany Gretzinger and Nate Ward 2014 Bethel Music *no copyright infringement intended* I woke up to the last 39th year of my life with a greater resignation of what lies ahead ~  single blessedness, work, a new community and   long term treatment to prevent the recurrence of cysts... When I share this with friends, they immediately respond with a quick "solution" in mind [often unsolicited]. And it is often followed by a smart remark on being "outside the walls."  While well-meaning friends wished to "save" me by suggesting a partner, I gave a different response this time. While the "silence" quieted a few, it also sparked some memories of my former life.  Was my choice [to continue living in chastity] made out of "spite" to prove all of them wrong?   I  put my feet on the ground and allow the Lord to lift me up... And yet the deeper question is not whether I

" You have no power over me! " ~Sarah,  quote from the movie Labyrinth  (1986)~ ----- While reflecting on the Adoration Vigil for Holy Thursday night my twin heart sent me, I was brought back to that   powerful  scene between Jesus and Satan in the garden of Gethsemane .  The Lord  accepted   everything  that the Father has laid out for Him.  How different it is for us once trials besiege us. Our eyes are immediately blinded by the 'deceiver' and we choose the easier road ~ flight... fleeting desires... comfort... security... self preservation. This season, the Lord invites us to fix our gaze on the cross and contemplate not on what He has given up but  what God has given us back ... ~  Unfathomable Love, Eternity with the Father ... Infinite   Mercy, Hope, Life given for others. ----- There was a time when social networking came next to breathing and praying. But at one point after taking in (fiends