Saturday, December 6, 2014

Self-Mastery: Thoughts on Forever part 1

Is forever only a question of the heart?

I have always related it to a promise… or to a love relationship… but then I guess, I have to dig deeper into that…

"Sorting through memories means holding painful recollections in a certain way.
But memory never copies the past, 
it brings the past into the potentially healing present."

~an excerpt from Turn My Mourning Into Dancing by Henri J.M. Nouwen

I discovered that when my dad had our house rebuilt, it only had four rooms. He didn't have me in my mind because we both thought I'll stay inside the walls 'for all eternity.' After a decade, I landed back home and stayed in my sister's room. She was residing in another country and, like me, the thought of coming back home was not part of her plan. However, months before Christmas, she decided to take a ticket and spend time here for a while. 

I had a self-check and I knew that part of my stress (apart from MRT work travels) was being displaced. I had an excuse for sleeping on the sofa for two months recuperating from surgery, however, the next days, I had to find my new place. I discovered a part of me that needed space away from the noises that occupied the house most of the time. 

I found this room... my mom and dad's museum.

Looking at it, I realized the importance of a ‘rule’ we had inside the walls of changing our rooms annually. I learned the tent spirituality moving from one place to another carrying only the necessary things with me ~ and opening my room to prevent accumulating clothes or books or those little gifts friends gave me ~ and most especially dust.

I've talked about letting go and creating space several times in my blog but I learned another important thing about giving ~ the things that we kept might still be very useful to other people. It was brought to light by my dad's painter when he asked for our toys. He said, "They might be old for you but they are always new for my little girl." 

So we started giving things away ~ and little by little what once was a storage area became a decent place to live in. Thanks God!

While I started the whole process with a heavy heart ~ the pain of the changes I went through made visible God's hand throughout my journey. I was tenacious in some of my decisions because I didn't trust God enough. I began to reflect on how forever becomes an excuse to preserve "homeostasis," when what the Lord truly wishes is a life of adventure. He is, after all, a God of surprises.

So I began to relax and welcome whatever He has in store for me... little by little everyday...

Constant Change by Jose Mari Chan

Reading Supplements:
How long is forever?
Does "Forever" really means forever?

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