Behind the Curtains
It's almost December and I have managed to write only two posts for this month. I have squeezed my brain out for the last couple of weeks since I came back and sought for inspiration from the blogs that I read, but still ~ nada...
Maybe I was just looking too hard at the wrong places...but...
On the second day of the liturgical year, three people visited me in my dreams. They gave me back some personal things I left in the missionary house.
A former confidant spoke to me in my room and asked for my forgiveness.
While in reality, I've chosen complete silence over the matter... in my dream, I unleashed all those feelings ensconced all throughout these three years.
I woke up with tears.
I realized that instead of simplifying things by just articulating the truth, I found them left to their own judgment of the circumstances ~ leaving scars in the relationship.
Then I remembered my dream. My missionary companions gave me back some personal things: sandals (to continue my journey), clothes (my dignity), reconciliation (healing).
It was truly an invitation to become fully alive... to cease hiding...and to live in joy with other people.
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| Dad's old painting |
Maybe I was just looking too hard at the wrong places...but...
On the second day of the liturgical year, three people visited me in my dreams. They gave me back some personal things I left in the missionary house.
A former confidant spoke to me in my room and asked for my forgiveness.
While in reality, I've chosen complete silence over the matter... in my dream, I unleashed all those feelings ensconced all throughout these three years.
I woke up with tears.
I realized that instead of simplifying things by just articulating the truth, I found them left to their own judgment of the circumstances ~ leaving scars in the relationship.
It has happened many times and I'd often cough out an excuse that I do not need to explain to everybody at all times... but people do not read minds and intentions. What they need is their peace of mind.
I think this moment of quietude was God's way of pushing me out of the curtains into the open:
'Expose everything... all of it...'
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not perfect in love." - I Jn. 4:18 NIV
Henri Nouwen, in his book Sabbatical Journey (168), asked:
" What is my responsibility to the world around me, and what is my responsibility to myself? What does it mean to be faithful to my vocation? Does it require that I be consistent with my earlier way of living or thinking, or does it ask for the courage to move in new directions, even when doing so may be disappointing for some people?"
Then I remembered my dream. My missionary companions gave me back some personal things: sandals (to continue my journey), clothes (my dignity), reconciliation (healing).
It was truly an invitation to become fully alive... to cease hiding...and to live in joy with other people.
It is wonderful to know that you have found that feeling again... Nice to have you back
ReplyDeleteI am deeply touched by your post dear Melissa...i personally feel that you are doing full justice to your life...and believe me you will find a way..you are facing in the right direction, all you need to do is keep on walking...I believe that life is a journey, often difficult and sometimes incredibly cruel, but we are well equipped for it if only we tap into our talents and gifts and allow them to blossom. I also believe that life is a journey towards God, and that no one has the right to insist that you go a certain road.
ReplyDeleteJust take care of yourself..and life will be beautiful...like you.
I am so happy you have finally come out, exposing all of you instead of hiding in silence. Welcome back my soul sis to this world that is challenging and yet beautiful. Love you
ReplyDeleteNice that you are fully alive and raring to go...glad. wonderful post.
ReplyDeleteHello.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a moving post. I agree too with Alpana...life is indeed a journey filled with much trials & tribulations, but it's also filled with happiness & love. There's no better feeling in this life than to feel alive. We humans are strong of heart & will. We may get knocked down & even stray off the path, but we always find a way to pick ourselves up & start again. Life is beautiful, embrace it.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Thanks also for the lovely comment on my latest post. I truly appreciate it.
A Trembling Flower And You
Dearest Mom, it is really a great post with an apt title and perfect title-picture. Perhaps I may be wrong or just naive but I suffered more when I articulated the truth in some certain circumstances. Then I felt that some things are better left unsaid.
ReplyDelete-Portia
Sometimes when we stop looking so hard for something, it appears right in front of us :)
ReplyDeleteSuch a moving and powerful post, Melissa. May your life blossom like never before!
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you!
You have such a kind heart and reveal it to all of us. You will bring much joy to everyone you come into contact with because of your love. Bella, xoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI'm very happy for you. Good luck with all your future advances. Only ahead; never backwards.
Melissa, you are a true warrior, gentle, kind yet strong of character and brave as well. I am happy for you my friend and wish you best in all in life. Lots of love and prayers coming your way....take care
ReplyDeleteThis is very wonderful Mely...it looks great to see that u r now melting in peace with you and nurturing positive thoughts in U!!
ReplyDeleteGod will lead the way ...
Love
Mani
Often to move in a new direction is like trying a new life. Its like "when this one is not working for u, why not try another". Live again
ReplyDeleteI too believe that we need to talk out issues. u ver rightly said not talking it out leaves scars in others...Its the worst we can do to another
ReplyDeleteMelissa, this touched me so. Sometimes we need the quiet to connect to our TRUTH. Then it is up to us to decide if we'd like to share it even if it could be painful. I love this life journey you're on. As you are learning, we learn too. Blessings dear!
ReplyDeletehttp://lyricfire.typepad.com/lyric-fire/2011/12/lyric-fire-my-first-this-moment-post-.html