Ahuv Sheli

*Note: Quotes in pink ink from Leslie Ludy When the Lord closed the door to the life I’ve come to know for ten years as a religious…  I had mixed emotions over what was ahead of me…                        I have always prayed for a true and lasting love for myself...                Photo Credit: google                                  The Bride and the Bridegroom I have come to know Jesus since I was three and have decided to be with Him when I turned thirteen. I thought of serving people as a nurse and as religious missionary ~ taking care of people's body and soul ... but Jesus desired more than that... I romanticized it all ~ ‘charity,’ ‘poverty,’ ‘life inside the walls,’ ‘prayer’ and ‘perfection,’ ‘community life’ and ‘apostolate.’ The Lord wanted my ‘heart’ ...

What is my purpose?   As I sat and reread this draft the nth time ~ I wished a simple Thanksgiving would suffice. My 'peculiar' silence over the last months has  again triggered some friends to write me, wondering if I had gone back to the convent... I just laughed and wrote back. I needed the 'silence' in order "LISTEN." You Speak by Audrey Assad source: YouTube via opendrive.com Last, year, while a few blogger friends focused on the word love, I mused on be-ing and becoming a gift . 2013, brimmed with joys and sorrows, left me in awe of God.  With the dawning of " springtime " in March, the gift of the Sacrament of Reconciliation and conversion slowly unfolded God's surprises. The grace of starting anew was coupled with the birth of my niece in April. I saw how God smiled. Her birth was unplanned but I saw how my two nieces lovingly welcomed her presence.  She threw me off my schedule...

"Human beings have an innate restlessness for God,  but  this restlessness is a participation in God's own restlessness for us."  ~ Pope Benedict, Homily for Epiphany 2013   The Creation of Adam by Michelangelo   *detail of hands First part On the twelfth day of Christmas, I opened the gift my spiritual friend sent me at the beginning of the year ~ his gift of poetry and revelation. I see you ....  Your gaze is upon me.  You desire to consume me, you pursue me   Do you really love me this much?       I'd like to stay right where you are       There, where I can be so near       consumed by the fire of your love       Like a fragrant incense, a lamp burning forever at your side    I wish the world would know  How much you thirst for them  The Beloved to His beloved  The Lover to his beloved....

*Note: Images from the Twilight Saga were all lifted from Google.                No copyright infringement intended. I woke up after an hour's rest... I couldn't bring myself to write, draw, make music much less do my usual spiritual readings. My blog was devoid of inspiration...   I took a momentary vacation from some friends... Midnight, I hooked into music and waited until my thoughts c lea red out... Love Never Fails ~Brandon Heath~ ------------------------------------- He came quietly into my life at the time I was 'ready to receive' love ~  To care means first of all to empty our own cup and to allow the other to come close to us.   ~ Henri Nouwen~ The Essential Henri Nouwen He took me out of the frenetic world I lived in and brought me to his heart.... I felt my pulse come alive ~  Inside his heart resided              ~ the ...

photo (used with permission) courtesy of   Raising Ecstasy   *I write this on the occasion of St. Teresa of Avila, 'our' favorite saint... Close your eyes " Wait... " he told me as I began to pray... " Breathe love first ..." I breathed him... " Slow down... "  and I placed my hand on his chest to take the rhythm of his heart beat... ------------------------------------ A few months ago, my good friend in the Purpose Driven Life sessions, challenged me to finish one drawing I had since 2010... he, like the others, was so eager to see me committing myself to a man...  I looked at my Vision Board and saw a bride and a bridegroom on the right, a family, and a mother holding a child. I've always had conflict with my desires for I never have fully felt the 'need' to have someone at the moment. " Please... please don't start drawing Jesus. You've already come out of the convent... Dra...