Ahuv Sheli

What if I come from a place of disillusionment? When I realize that my value is still based on worldly outputs and expectations..branded objects, sales and profits... Life is ruled by gain (sadly) even at the expense of other people.  Welcome to the rat race!  The short retreat we had was an invitation to reflect on our own eclipses...  The Recollection master, Fr. Bob Buenconsejo, SJ highlighted the three important figures of Advent through a Deisis triptych : St. John the Baptist, our Blessed Mother Mary and Jesus.  I was particularly struck by St. John the Baptist's experience of incompleteness...restlessness...his humility. He was cut off almost immediately from his ministry when Jesus came.  What if losing is the way to gain?  It hit me deep even if I already knew from studying Theology, why people ignore the Person Who gave Himself up on the cross.  He must increase, I must decrease (John 3:30). ...

I have decided to keep a Bible diary instead of an online journal for a while. But friends urged me to write and be a voice that can be "heard" now rather than continue pushing off a gift on hand~ in short, to go back to blogging. Know Thyself I felt a part of me crumbled when I trusted people in the outside world. For a year, I struggled with issues on 'privacy' and I decided to delete my FB account. I felt the need to disengage in interacting online ~ to check out these 'beasts' inside that required taming. I succumbed to work and had to give up my Saturday catechism to give way to the extras I accepted on my plate. Overworked, underpaid and extremely tired ~ discouraged that I still have not given ALL of myself to a work I really put my heart into... I begged the Lord to gift me with a 'listening' heart to hear and 'open' eyes  to see that the world around me is groaning with the same sentiments.   And the Lor...

The door to Jesus through Mary 15 August 2017 The Solemnity of the Assumption of our Blessed Mother  ~ the day of my consecration to Mary.  It was altogether mysterious and exciting... 33 days of preparation to that final glorious day!  As a bonus, I received Jesus in two species in the Mass I attended. (Divine) Inspiration On the Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes, the Immaculate Conception, my twin heart shared the day's meditation from Magnificat.  I was deeply moved by St. Bernadette's humility and love for the Blessed Mother that I was inspired by her . I shared several images of St. Bernadette's incorrupt body with my twin heart and h e introduced me to another saint,   Catherine Labouré , to whom our Immaculate Mother appeared twenty years before St. Bernadette.   I read her biography and I realized that the medal I used to wear as a child originated from her. After my twin heart's visit to the church of  Rue du Bac...

It is only after loved ones have left us that we see what was best in them and understand their lives in a new way. Their absence is the source of another mode of presence because it is in the time of absence that presence becomes real and, being condensed, reaches its true reality. ~Jean-Francois Baudoz, Breaks, Chapter 1, With Christ: the Gospel under the guidance of Saint Benedict. (Minnesota, USA: Liturgical Press, Saint John's Abbey), pp. 2-3.~ We have lost several lives in the mission areas where I was assigned ~ in school, at the hospital, in our neighborhood ~ most of them through terminal illnesses, some by accidents, still others because they have reached old age. And yet, in whatever age we might have lost them, since we cannot predict the time and hour when they will depart, we always assert that " life is ( very ) short."  I was struck by the Sunday homily a week ago which spoke mainly of "remembering" ~ commemorating our lost love...

I devoured His words but have not fully understood "forgiveness" til now... I have kept the Feast of St. Mary of the Angels [2 August] in my heart and held it in high regard among the Franciscan celebrations. It is also well known as the Pardon of Assisi or the Porziuncola Indulgence .  Inside the walls, I remember role playing San Francesco... in the end, I sent the audience off with these words, " Voglio mandarvi tutti in Paradiso ." I want to send you all in Paradise! ~ but how I struggled each and everyday to bless people when I am offended...fazed...aggrieved...deceived...disgraced... All I ever wanted to do was throw away memories but the Lord kept them intact. I felt mercy's full weight when I was forgiven by a person close to my heart whom I have displeased. My confessor reprimanded me heavily but also told me to be patient and wait. After a week of silence, this person spoke to me. I felt that comp...

No Fear in Love written by Steffany Gretzinger and Nate Ward 2014 Bethel Music *no copyright infringement intended* I woke up to the last 39th year of my life with a greater resignation of what lies ahead ~  single blessedness, work, a new community and   long term treatment to prevent the recurrence of cysts... When I share this with friends, they immediately respond with a quick "solution" in mind [often unsolicited]. And it is often followed by a smart remark on being "outside the walls."  While well-meaning friends wished to "save" me by suggesting a partner, I gave a different response this time. While the "silence" quieted a few, it also sparked some memories of my former life.  Was my choice [to continue living in chastity] made out of "spite" to prove all of them wrong?   I  put my feet on the ground and allow the Lord to lift me up... And yet the deeper question is not whether I...

" You have no power over me! " ~Sarah,  quote from the movie Labyrinth  (1986)~ ----- While reflecting on the Adoration Vigil for Holy Thursday night my twin heart sent me, I was brought back to that   powerful  scene between Jesus and Satan in the garden of Gethsemane .  The Lord  accepted   everything  that the Father has laid out for Him.  How different it is for us once trials besiege us. Our eyes are immediately blinded by the 'deceiver' and we choose the easier road ~ flight... fleeting desires... comfort... security... self preservation. This season, the Lord invites us to fix our gaze on the cross and contemplate not on what He has given up but  what God has given us back ... ~  Unfathomable Love, Eternity with the Father ... Infinite   Mercy, Hope, Life given for others. ----- There was a time when social networking came next to breathin...