Listen to your heart: WHO Lives There? (first part)

Of all the places she wanted to be, 

it was right here on my chest 

that she found rest...

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It was the little sage's turn to visit me this weekend. She wasn't used to be carried around but I did...

I held her several minutes each day to understand her valuable lessons...

My infant Jesus a gift from graziealcielo

"As I see it, 

we shall never succeed in knowing ourselves unless 

we seek to know God:

let us think of His greatness and then come back to our own baseness;

by looking at His purity we shall see our foulness;

by meditating upon His humility, we shall see how far we are from being humble."

~ S. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle. Translated and edited by E. Allison Peers. (NY:Doubleday, 1989)38.

As a young nun, we were taught to contemplate the Infant Jesus so often. I have only come to know how by holding a real infant in my arms...

It just tells me to 'receive love.'

I felt an allergic reaction towards the concept ~ of vulnerability.

I have ceased being me ~ open, spontaneous ~ at a young age... 

The world of love and trust that was initially created as an infant was shattered.

I have realized that I have used the 'habit' as a haven to cover my femininity ~ and the 'walls' as a barrier between men and me. I had to move out of my comfort zone to start another journey outside the 'walls.'

But the vow of 'chastity' is beyond that. Love couldn't be given in parts. It has to be whole... It entails relationship with Jesus that is concretely manifested in our relationship with other people.

"Se la persona apre la sua mano, fatta per ricevere e dare, al dono, vive una relazione con gli altri molto piu' vera." ~ P. Bini

(translation: If a person opens his/her hand, made for receiving and giving, to a gift, he/she lives in a more real/genuine relationship with others.)

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The promise of springtime has indeed come!

I ask pardon if I lack charity in my words and actions~ the tension between 'receiving' love and 'refusing' it comes in the way too often ~ 

but here's the catch, 

know that God holds my heart and I am capable of change with the help of God's grace.

The sage, the Infant Jesus, tells me to listen to my heart...

Who lives there?

*Updates:

I received a tweet this afternoon and I couldn't leave misinterpretations of what I wish to convey in this post:

"I believe nuns & priests should be allowed 2 marry,as the rest of the body of Christ."

One, I believe in the vow of chastity. It has always been a debate to make the vow of chastity optional for priests and nuns  but we have to deepen this aspect. It is not only for the religious, priests or nuns to live. It is a call to each one of us. More than a question of 'marrying' or 'not' ~ it is the question of how freely I could give this love to God through other people.

Second, one has to read the rest of the posts in order to understand the different journeys I have taken. I was a religious and I have left. My motives and vocation story has to be purified. 

Third, one is free to ask questions... the posts are meant for self-knowledge and  self-understanding. 

"You are a very brave woman!"

I understood this in this aspect, 'courage' to purify intentions, realize that and take a new road. And 'courage' to continue journeying to know oneself and Christ.

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Preparation for World Youth Day 2013 

with my Satur-dates

"What are we expecting next week (referring to this time)?" I asked the kids.

"SONA!" they chorused. True, the children here in Quezon City have no classes because of the State of the Nation Address this afternoon.

"Okay... and what else?" There was silence... 

and so we began our project.

Beginning tomorrow, July 23 to 28, 2013, we celebrate the World Youth Day!

The theme for this year is: "Go make disciples of all nations (Mt. 28,19)!" 

I'm so excited to see all those young people gathered in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil led by Pope Francis to pray and be united in God's love.

Source of Logo explanation: A World Youth Day Pilgrim's Journal

Fau, my niece