Saturday, December 6, 2014

Self-Mastery: Thoughts on Forever part 1

Is forever only a question of the heart?

I have always related it to a promise… or to a love relationship… but then I guess, I have to dig deeper into that…

"Sorting through memories means holding painful recollections in a certain way.
But memory never copies the past, 
it brings the past into the potentially healing present."

~an excerpt from Turn My Mourning Into Dancing by Henri J.M. Nouwen

I discovered that when my dad had our house rebuilt, it only had four rooms. He didn't have me in my mind because we both thought I'll stay inside the walls 'for all eternity.' After a decade, I landed back home and stayed in my sister's room. She was residing in another country and, like me, the thought of coming back home was not part of her plan. However, months before Christmas, she decided to take a ticket and spend time here for a while. 

I had a self-check and I knew that part of my stress (apart from MRT work travels) was being displaced. I had an excuse for sleeping on the sofa for two months recuperating from surgery, however, the next days, I had to find my new place. I discovered a part of me that needed space away from the noises that occupied the house most of the time. 

I found this room... my mom and dad's museum.

Looking at it, I realized the importance of a ‘rule’ we had inside the walls of changing our rooms annually. I learned the tent spirituality moving from one place to another carrying only the necessary things with me ~ and opening my room to prevent accumulating clothes or books or those little gifts friends gave me ~ and most especially dust.

I've talked about letting go and creating space several times in my blog but I learned another important thing about giving ~ the things that we kept might still be very useful to other people. It was brought to light by my dad's painter when he asked for our toys. He said, "They might be old for you but they are always new for my little girl." 

So we started giving things away ~ and little by little what once was a storage area became a decent place to live in. Thanks God!

While I started the whole process with a heavy heart ~ the pain of the changes I went through made visible God's hand throughout my journey. I was tenacious in some of my decisions because I didn't trust God enough. I began to reflect on how forever becomes an excuse to preserve "homeostasis," when what the Lord truly wishes is a life of adventure. He is, after all, a God of surprises.

So I began to relax and welcome whatever He has in store for me... little by little everyday...

Constant Change by Jose Mari Chan

Reading Supplements:
How long is forever?
Does "Forever" really means forever?

You may also write me at for comments. Thank you+


  1. Melissa, it's so wonderful and a balm to my heart to read your blog. I have so missed your presence and inspiration!
    I agree that "cleaning our closets" of the clutter which obstructs us from a fuller view of God is of such importance. It does take broadening and refining our trust that God will lead us to let go of the very things which keep us bound to this earth. I do hope, like you, that I am beginning to "relax and welcome whatever He has in store for me.
    Praying for you and with you, dear one!

    1. Hi dearest friend. Thank you for your visit. For a time, I have closed my comment sections, I have missed your wonderful comments too.

      I realized that this is what this journey is about ~ to fully trust Him until we go back to Him. And it is when we finally realize that there are more important things in life that we are able to do His tasks. He can use us completely.

      Always in love and prayers, we are one dear Martha+

  2. Replies
    1. oh, and I left another message that seemed to have disappeared here. I'll just add that I'm glad you're back blogging and writing. And for joining us again here. I'm excellent at letting go of things but need to let go more of my past and my experiences. I could clear out a museum or house overnight by giving away and throwing away - if i could simply do the same with thoughts and memories that no longer serve me. Working on it and letting Jesus lead the way to clearing up y life so I can let Him in more.

    2. Thank you very much Vishnu for sharing your reflections. Sometimes we attach memories to things too that's why it's difficult to let go of them. And it's not "throwing away." We throw garbage ahahaha but the things we actually gave away were still very useful. Plus, He doesn't erase memories ~ He simply allows us to see them in a different light each time we remember them :)

      Preparing a space for Jesus this Christmas ~ God bless you and your family+