Hidden Life

"You are not meant for convent life...

..and if you're thinking about it...

I beg you to reconsider..."


I was taken by surprise when two of my male friends wrote me this... perhaps, it was due to my prolonged absence from the social media. 

I reflected on the occasions I felt myself torn apart by indecision... but it wasn't about this...

Not at all...

I miss the life I had ~ I call it my glorious years in the mission field. I was young and impulsive. I didn't have second thoughts. Back then, the moment was right ~ pieces fit together. 

I dreamt big. I wanted to be included in history as 'somebody' who did this or was good at that...

But there was also a part of me that wished to remain 'hidden'... and that part could only be touched and visited by God.

Early on this week, I finally got to visit a friend who was stricken by cancer. I didn't recognize her when I saw her ~ her face was bloated and she wore a wig ~ but I felt her warmth that told me it was her.

I always see a miracle in sick people. Her priorities changed. She told me before she'd stretch herself to do incredible things but now, she developed 'patience'. She recognized her limitations and became kinder to herself.

I was at a loss for words. I remember another friend telling my colleague not to ask him how he was. "This {cancer} isn't fever... it doesn't go away after taking an analgesic."

There was a remarkable contrast in how people dealt with sensitive issues.

I was reading J.R. Miller's The Hidden Life and in Chapter 1, page 4 he wrote of a similar circumstance:

"...a few minutes' conversation showed me that in all the wasting of physical beauty her spiritual loveliness had not been marred. She had kept near the heart of Christ in all the bitter anguish, and the joy and peace of her inner life had not failed..."

My friend spoke to me of her hopes and aspirations. She had the same plans as I, a pilgrimage in Holy Land or a European Marian Pilgrimage. And hearing her spoke of what keeps her alive just made me reflect on the way I am living my own life... 

This brings me back to my dream. What makes me afraid of being forgotten? not being missed? of being a nobody?

I like the words Stephenie Meyer used... 

google image of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart
imprinted...
forever!

 That is how I am in God's heart. Why go on further seeking my importance and attention in other people's eyes...

Interior life,  that is what is asked of us...





















Comments

  1. JANUNovember 24, 2012 at 9:09 PM

    As long as you are happy, keep doing what makes you happy.
    Good to be reading you after all these days.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Melissa TandocDecember 29, 2012 at 8:33 PM

      Thanks Janu :) Right now, I have to re-assess what makes me truly happy ;)

      Delete
  2. sulekkhaNovember 25, 2012 at 1:09 AM

    If you feel good inside then just be yourself, without worrying about the others. You are doing amazing work, be happy. God bless...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Melissa TandocDecember 29, 2012 at 8:33 PM

      Hmmm... I think my happiness has nothing to do with entering religious life ;) Thanks Sulekha :)

      Delete
  3. Martha Jane OrlandoNovember 25, 2012 at 3:41 AM

    Your inner beauty shines through in your writing, dear Melissa. You are a beloved child of God and that is all that truly matters. Seek Him first in all you do and pursue, and He will guide your steps.
    Blessings always!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Melissa TandocDecember 29, 2012 at 8:35 PM

      I love what you wrote Martha. It's so true... perhaps, I should listen more to what is spoken to me than just decide on something that's based on sentiments ;) Lots of love always!

      Delete
  4. Dangerous LindaNovember 25, 2012 at 5:43 AM

    perfect. you are perfectly you walking your perfect path. even the indecision and soul-searching is a part of the journey God brought you here for. living in the question requires faith. answers are for sissies ;-) XOXOXO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Melissa TandocDecember 29, 2012 at 8:35 PM

      Thank you Linda. It feels good to be not right all the time and to be unsure sometimes ;) Yes, deep faith... I truly need that ;)

      Delete
  5. Zainab ZainabNovember 25, 2012 at 5:44 PM

    When we try to be in people's eye!when we try to be in their good-books!they just hurt us!they don't care!they move on!it's only He who does not forget and always loves!love your writings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Melissa TandocDecember 29, 2012 at 8:40 PM

      Shukran Zarnab... I have yet to visit your blog, I've noticed that you've changed it a lot ;)

      I think God wishes that we become sincere to Him first and to ourselves... what other people say are their own opinion about things ;) Lots of love!

      Delete
  6. Jessica MNovember 26, 2012 at 5:05 AM

    You have such a beautiful love and desire for God. :) I am really sorry about your friend...I watched my friend suffer and eventually be taken by cancer when I was in high school...It's not easy to see the changes that those who suffer from that disease go through. ::hugs:: My love to you sis..May you continually find yourself being drawn closer to the Lord.
    ~ blessings~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Melissa TandocDecember 29, 2012 at 8:37 PM

      Thank you sis...I thank the Lord that He gives me great companies for my journey... and I'm learning along the way so many things from you too. Lots of love!

      Delete
  7. photos by janNovember 26, 2012 at 8:16 AM

    Beautiful You are, as are your words. You do what pleases your heart and all will be as it should be. Love to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Melissa TandocDecember 29, 2012 at 8:40 PM

      Thank you so much Jan...I've tried :) God knows I did.

      Delete
  8. Joyce at itakeoffthemask.comNovember 27, 2012 at 8:20 AM

    Indeed, our most intimate communion of love with God is just that - hidden. Hidden and yet not any less wonderful or beautiful. There are things not meant for the world to know, but are meant to be treasured between two hearts only, between Lover and His beloved one. God bless!

    ReplyDelete
  9. IreneNovember 27, 2012 at 6:19 PM

    You are already amazing, Melissa. I think sometimes we tend to underestimate the effect of small things we do and we wish we could do bigger things in order to make a huge impact to other people's lives. But a simple act of kindness, an authentic smile to a stranger, words of comfort, or just being there for a friend -- these can already mean the whole world to another person. I should know -- you did some of these things to me <3

    It feels wonderful to read and visit your blog again, Melissa. This is a place where I am always able to do some soul-searching through your gentle words and your warmth as a person.

    Miss you... God bless you always <3 :-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Corinne RodriguesNovember 27, 2012 at 11:29 PM

    It's easy to know that you have a very rich interior life, Melissa. You are a blessing to many and it's no wonder you are missed on social media when you take a break.
    Thank you for sharing about your friend - it's sad to know that she is suffering - yet there is so much we can learn from her.

    ReplyDelete
  11. RimlyNovember 28, 2012 at 8:42 PM

    I think we all struggle in our decisions whether we have made the right choice or not but that is life. Our indecision, our choices that take us places and we grow richer and hopefully better people. Whatever choices you make soul sister will always make you richer. You are already such a beautiful human being and I know whatever path you take it will be good. I once met someone who was dying of cancer and by interacting with her you could never tell that she had just a few weeks to live, she was so full of positive energy. God bless you soul sis. Love you.

    ReplyDelete
  12. AnonymousDecember 1, 2012 at 10:24 PM

    Melissa, whatever you do, always do what you think is right for you. Everyone will be right there to point you to the directions they think are good for you, but only you truly know what to do, where to go and how to behave. I know that this is probably the most cliched phrase ever, but just be yourself, okay? Do what you want and do what you love. Express your amazing self and everything will be fine.

    Love, John.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Noblesse KeyDecember 7, 2012 at 6:50 PM

    Oh, this is really something Mel. I think you should follow the advice of your two male friends. They're probably right. I mean, you cannot bring your computer in the convent, right? Oh Mel, that would really make me sad. I know you dearly love God, and He knows that well.

    Anyway, I like S. Meyer as well. Just watched Breaking part 2! ha-ha! I really missed you Mel. Thank you for checking up on me. I really really really really appreciated it! Thank you...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Farfalla Dreams ~ Lisa Marie FarfallaDecember 11, 2012 at 3:12 AM

    Hi Melissa, I like you have taken some time offline. Sometimes we need that alone time with God or just to clear our head and our heart. You are SOMEBODY!!! You were created by the KING, in His image. With a BEAUTIFUL heart like yours, don't ever doubt that He won't use you, to make an impact in this world!! HE will raise you up, to do extraordinary things. It's all in His timing... and your season shall surely come!!! Don't look back... just BELIEVE. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  15. JerlyDecember 20, 2012 at 4:22 PM

    Deep and heart touching. This is my favourite post from alal I have read of yours. Indeed there is no meaning to be known by this perishable humanity, there is only meaning in touching souls....ours of others or in a nutshell..Gods
    Soul touching post indeed Melissa

    ReplyDelete
  16. ♥●• İzdihër •●♥December 26, 2012 at 1:42 PM

    Can't disagree with you :). What matter most is GOD

    ReplyDelete

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