Ahuv Sheli

My twin heart wrote me a message after reading the first part .  And so, yes this time, I am reflecting more profoundly on 'forever.' We often 'buy' its meaning from advertisements ~ ultimately to stay young and beautiful.  But a sharp contrast is noticeable when we live in a culture of 'disposability ' ~ throwaway living ~ empty promises. While modern technology aims to streamline operations, we create in ourselves impatience and quick fixes. I remember my mom asking us of the meaning of 'sacrifice' and ' learning to live with the questions .' Even marriage becomes a mockery by demanding a renewable marriage bill . Forever in love What is left for those who wish to believe?  HOPE . Children look on fairy tales for everafters.  Novels-turned-into-movies depict forever in the impossible  ~ vampires, witches, magic... There is a dimension in forever that people cannot fathom. Our mind can only reach the physical p

Is forever only a question of the heart? I have always related it to a promise… or to a love relationship… but then I guess, I have to dig deeper into that… " Sorting through memories means holding painful recollections in a certain way. But memory never copies the past,  it brings the past into the potentially healing present ." ~an excerpt from Turn My Mourning Into Dancing by Henri J.M. Nouwen -----0------ I discovered that when my dad had our house rebuilt, it only had four rooms.  He didn't have me in my mind because we both thought I'll stay inside the walls 'for all eternity.' After a decade, I landed back home and stayed in my sister's room. She was residing in another country and, like me, the thought of coming back home was not part of her plan. However, months before Christmas, she decided to take a ticket and spend time here for a while.  I had a self-check and I knew that part of my stress (apart from MRT work

My niece just recently celebrated her sixth birthday… I remember coming home on the very same year she was born… All these years 'outside the walls' ... Ah, life! ~fraught with challenges one after another... but in all these,  the Lord has been faithful.... constantly guiding and taking care of me. -----0----- September passed by so quickly. I took a leave of absence at the peak of our preparation for an international event.  I was left with no choice but to endorse my work to my brother and other colleagues.  "You are important but not indispensable," my head nurse from my mission area once told me several years ago when I had a fracture. How true for most of us, who couldn't  wouldn't want to leave work behind because of insecurity... I realized that sickness, like death, could come to anyone like a “thief in the night.”  And while we were taught that "prevention is better than cure," most of us wou

10 th of September 2014, as I lied on the operating table, my mom’s voice echoed on my mind before the anesthesia took effect, “You have been through your worst.”  I knew she was referring to the depression I had six years ago. There was a stark contrast between my attitude towards life. Back then , I wanted to take my own life. I lost all sense of hope. I found no way out. There was no single soul available to hear my silent pleas for help. Sleeping pills and tranquilizers were temporary relief to my disturbed mind. What I remembered most was this constant replay of negativities in my mind. It irked people to hear the same stories repeated over and over again. The psychiatrist explained the “chemical imbalances” that occurred in my brain and was immediately repaired by medications. My mom was there~ she helped release the “anger” I had deep inside… Now , I held on to dear life, praying that the surgery will proceed without complications.  Jesus, t

Precious... Rose Colors and Meanings I have not fallen in love quite like this before... I vowed never... but... It was a gradual transformation from fear of 'relating' to authentic 'loving.' He took me out for quiet walks... with a rosary in hand. We prayed the Liturgy at our different hours. I found myself celebrating the Eucharist daily to confessing regularly.  He supplemented the day with reflections and spiritual readings... He brought me back to that 'world' I thought I have already left for good. What fascinates me most is how God reaches out to us in very unique ways ~  He is creative... " Love is creative... unto INFINITY ." ~ St. Vincent de Paul Worlds apart... You are "there"... I am "here," yet we are 'two-gether.' born with different charisms... itinerancy vs. stability following Jesus in our chosen vocations... lay a

Light’s out... power lines were cut. There wasn't a single soul in the street...  t he wind howled like a hungry child in need of its mother... and there, without the daily hustle and bustle of life,  the Lord patiently waited for me... -----0----- Everyday is a practice to greet each morning with a smile…  I’m learning to receive whatever comes my way.  With my hands cupped, I reached out for God’s graces… What we had in Mongolia for the Medical Editors’ Meet was entirely unique. It was a quiet experience that will remain in my heart forever. I had a blessed time with my brother ... ... and with the rest of the doctors who participated. It was there, that the Lord established Himself as my rock... He was preparing me for something... -----0----- 25th of August, I felt a stabbing pain on my abdomen...  After three days of consecutive vomiting, I decided to see a gastroenterologist. I had