Friday, April 8, 2011

Digging the Roots

For a time now, as I go on with my daily tasks, reflecting on the issues at hand in our country (most of which have moral implications) like a divorce bill and induced abortion, questions keep arising from my mind... 

in my a diverse story...

Measures are created to ease life and provide comfort---what with our modern technology and liberal thinking---but,oftentimes,they only act as temporary solutions to problems with deeper roots...


Gabriela, the petitioners of the divorce bill, is well-known for airing women's voices, advocating human rights and defending women victims of abuse. We share the same sentiments for its ideals but I reckon a few holes against the divorce measure.

Again, I write to look into the heart of the matter...nothing I say here is absolute... I open myself to the experiences of married couples and those who have decided to separate.

It has been an endless argument:Should we or should we not allow divorce in our country?

Is it a question of readiness?
How about values?
Sanctity of Marriage?
Family Life?

On reality's side, annulment is very costly, so many couples resort to separation without any legal processes at all... is divorce a better option?

Looking Into the Roots part 2 

Why do couples separate? Many reasons are provided...

Most of the women who sought counsel were victims of domestic violence---based on studies and observations, manifestations of abuse are present in the bf-gf stage...if the abuse is recurring, does one decide right away not to marry this abusive person?

Third parties--- a priest-friend once asked me, if it was mere lust that married men chase after other women (vice-versa)? A very close person gave me a hint: something's missing in the relationship...again, the question, is a third party, a fourth, a fifth, a sixth resolve the issue? If the need is insatiable, how does one cope with it?

Psychological incapacity/immaturity---Many have motioned for this in their annulment...How do we gauge the maturity of the person? Is this not manifested in the earlier stages of the relationship before marriage?

It isn't the pain, the suffering nor who gets to be blamed that I want magnified in this reflection...Instead, I seek for enlightenment...

The call is for total honesty...true discernment and plenty of humility...

Retracing the Values: Are There Roots At All? part 3

Do we marry for:

convenience--- a comfortable life, secured future?
compatibility on bed---sexual satisfaction?
procreation---forming a family?

Others have opted not to marry at all... Some have chosen the path of single motherhood... Others suggest a marriage contract renewable every year (huh?)... trial in... Others introduce open relationships... 

Some do marry but adopt dogs as children...

I ask... dove sta il valore dell'AMORE? (where is the value of love?)
perche' l'amore ,prima di tutto, e' una scelta... (love is a choice)...e' per cio', un impegno (and for this, is a commitment)...e' responsibilita' (is a responsibility)...---adapted from grace shangkuan

I open my space and raise my questions in respect of the younger generation and the children who will be benefitting from the bills we pass today... What kind of world are we creating for them? What values do we impart on them?
... ... ... 

Looking Together At The Heart of the Matter part 4

To initiate my reflection by stating we are a Catholic country and start quoting from the Bible that divorce and abortion are against God's will would be confounding and biased... 

The reflection isn't one-sided and is therefore, open to whatever aspects may grow in the ideas others may present... 

Many people think that the married life is in crisis... but I say, even the religious life is... because they are left behind by a world that is continuously evolving... Many issues are discussed in the guise of a punishing God... who commands "You shall not... do this nor that..." projecting on God our own wants, needs and beliefs...

Listening to a pro-life representative the other night while being asked why abortion shouldn't be legalized in our country said, "It is against God's will..."..."killing is a sin..."

It becomes an adage that fails to shock people... We have to look into the heart of the laws presented to us not as something that curtails our freedom but instead something that invites us to an inner, more profound freedom... we are offered something eternal... not fleeting... the problem I see is that the Church is not able to communicate this properly to the people... 

 The Church doesn't tell us what to do... instead it helps the people to criticize and look more into the issues with eyes of faith...


  1. Melissa, “Digging the Roots” is certainly a thought-provoking post. Powerful consideration here:
    “Measures are created to ease life and provide comfort---what with our modern technology and liberal thinking---but often times they only act as temporary solutions to problems with deeper roots...”

    Reminds me of Henry David Thoreau’s words, “There are a thousand hacking away at the branches of evil to one at the root.” Excellent post.

  2. Melissa your posts always leave me thinking. Our value systems are fast changing. Today people are becoming more and more intolerable, therefore more divorce rates. a lot of marriages are of convenience and the ones that are done for love also can turn sour. There is no one way of looking at things. Everybody today feels justified for doing what they do.

  3. Aww. I always think very hard because of your post. It's really hard to decide on that but of course I can't judge. There's always EXEMPTIONS. If there is divorce bill then many men would just play around, marry and divorce then marry again but if there's no divorce, a lot of women will suffer from being a battered wife or whatsoever.

  4. Melissa I always enjoy reading your blog you always make me think. We as humans make mistakes and we are taught to forgive people for their mistakes and sometimes to punish others for their mistakes ( crimes) Should two people who marry when young and realize they have made a mistake be punished by being forced to stay married?? The children in these marriages need to be considered also. The children also suffer in these marriages, I speak from experience. Not letting people out from a mistake is not kind,not compassionate and in my mind in itself a crime against the 2 people and the children

  5. Hi, Melissa! --

    Very deep and thought-provoking post.

    I am divorced more than once. At the age of 50 I am much wiser and smarter than I was when I first married at the age of (just barely) 18 to save my life from an abusive father.

    With what I know now I could've saved my previous marriages. And yet, the honest truth is that I simply don't like my ex-husbands. I don't hate them, but I don't like them. And my current Love, of 3 years, is more than I ever could have dreamed of in a mate!

    This is my LIFE and I think I deserve to live it. How can that be wrong? And how can that be for someone besides me to decide???