Saturday, July 16, 2011

Poe-A-Tree Hop: A Dirge To An Old Flame

The past few weeks Roy Durham has been animating us with Poe-A-Tree Hop:

"Well here we are going again just hopping all over the world.  As you may know the last hop we were looking at the rainbows. Saw some mighty pretty ones two.  But to have a rainbow you need a little rain. So this time, get you a box of Kleenex or a supply of crying towels cause were going to have a down pour of tears causing poem and tear jerking story for you to read. As you dry your eyes please leave a sympathy note in the comments. There a list of blogs that is participating in this hop below the poem and or story.  Have fun and cry your eyes out you will feel better. It's good for you, Mikey like it."      


I was listening to music yesterday to probe my heart. There was one melody that particularly struck me.

 As I listened, it brought back a lot of memories and I found myself in tears in a matter of seconds...

It touched my soul deeply... and yes, I remember...

 I can never perfect the art
              of forgetting.
Always, your little thoughts will
 spill out, occasionally a picture
 of your smile slips by my mind
                 so how can i not

       -amado ona tandoc iii-

Last night's tears were very powerful. A creative tension rose from within me. It enabled me to put some pieces of the puzzle together...                  Were all these years of entering the labyrinth merely an introduction for this final phase?

..."there are more lessons in life than mistakes..."

I believe that. Even years of living outside my family's circle to explore the world helped me to understand that. I had to unlearn many things so I could interact with others. Each mistake I made left impressionable marks in my life but the most crucial ones were the ones that scarred me for life. They scarred me for life but they gave me inner strength. Last night, I was struggling so hard to fight off the tears that were welling inside me... but I couldn't...

..."remember then forgive..."

I've attended almost all healing programs and a cliche forgive and forget does not exist. I spoke endlessly of inner child problems. It's so easy to say forgive, Jesus did... it took me almost 15 years to face the person who hurt me and finally forgive. I've struggled for children's rights and women's rights for ten years thinking all the while I was doing the people a favor. I was just projecting my pain and frustrations in a society I blamed for its inadequacy to protect the voiceless and the helpless. I walked back home and faced my shadows. I returned to the world purified of my intentions, not anymore bringing my baggage of hatred, but the love I felt from a God who forgives and gives TIME to forgive.

..."can I command somebody to love me?"...

My world closed in and revolved around my love ... "I can't live without you," I thought... I'd put off sleep inorder to talk to you. I LOVE YOU... and it was awful. I love you so much.

"and after expending all my energies on you, I had to let go?" 

God spoke of inner freedom--- a disposition of giving up everything when one is in need.
 It took months of regular acts of letting the person go. 
I still love him but in a transformed way--- 
I wanted him to be happy, even if 
that doesn't include me...


I light a candle for you...
and cry different tears when I remember...

you promised  forever...

I didn't know it had an expiration date....



Make a hop to another puddle of tears with the other participating blogs:

Bonnie Parker Gayadeen
Sarah Jane Klemis




  1. i hear a lot of growth , of love from the wellspring of your soul. the fires of love will only warm your heart with love and peace, for those you love. god bless thank you melissa

  2. A beautiful poem Melissa! Love shouldn´t have an expiry date! Never!

  3. Love shouldn't have an expiration date...but in my life I found it does..all kinds of love expires and that brings tears ..As always...OXOXOXOXO

  4. Melissa, you have cried and your tears have purified your soul and washed away all the weakness and fears from your heart and mind. I am so happy for you, you are stronger now and will love again but will know that if it is meant for you, you won't lose it ever. I pray for your happiness, god bless

  5. Thank you for taking us with you on your journey of love and healing. Tears can be healing.......

  6. Tears are words the heart can't express...always here my friend to share my shoulder in case you need one

  7. We have those moments, those triggers when without warning all the emotions come to the surface. I believe there is a reason, the body, mind and soul can only carry so much before it becomes too weighted, those tears are a release to lighten our load. The ability to shed tears no matter how much time has passed means you still feel. When you stop feeling is the time to worry - for now the tears that fall are a sign that you are healing, it maybe slowly but it is happening x

  8. Melissa, this is was a deeply touching post! I had to read it a few times to let it really soak in. I commend you for championing for the rights of children and women...for surely their rights are all too trampled in many corners of this world. True liberation of spirit, though, comes from forgiving, and you are so wise and beautiful of a soul to have found that through your journey. I thank God for giving me the time (and yes, time is a precious gift!) to forgive a person that had wounded me years ago and who catupulted me down a dark path once. Everything in society, all the wordly ideas that the world has about life and events would tell me I would be justified to harbor bitterness towards that person...but I chose forgiveness because that is the only way I can pray freely in the presence of my Lord. And it is the only way I can find true freedom.

    What an amazing God we have! I pray that the tears you shed are ones released from a heart that has found total freedom and liberation, peace and healing.

    You are such a beautiful sister :) This post really spoke to me.


  9. All I can say is that I understand your pain. You are not alone...never! This was a beautiful post from a deep and personal place in your heart. Thank you for sharing :)

  10. I know your pain,and I wish I could do something,its killing u..and there seems to be no solution.Some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go."I'm going to smile and make you think I'm happy, I'm going to laugh, so you don't see me cry, I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I'm going to smile."....You are a u sweety

  11. I keep saying your remarkable and this just proves my point! Please listen to Alpana let go and letting go means not feeding the need to talk,think,cry,pray for,of,to him. You really need to really love just one person now and that is you. You don't need any one particular person to make you whole. You are whole and you are remarkable go out to the world and enjoy it because you are worthy of it!!!


  12. This is lovely. Whenever I stop by to visit, I know I will leave with my mind swirling with your words haunting me for days. We do grow from all that we live through.. Yes? Yes... we are more beautiful and always stronger. Again, lovely.

  13. for the first time i visited your blog more than four times but went back without commenting, still now do not know what to write. i wish i had a magical wand to unleash your pain, take back your tears for a smile to gain. i fear your kindness and gratitude that could not light up a light in the hard soul, is the most fragile heart on earth. how can you still care so dear and keep your dreams with him, so near? you are an angel, your strength is God's grace. i want to blend with your angelic strength of loving in spite of all the ignorance.

  14. Good poem. The journey of healing.