Ahuv Sheli

"You are not meant for convent life... ..and if you're thinking about it... I beg you to reconsider..." I was taken by surprise when two of my male  friends wrote me this... perhaps, it was due to my prolonged absence from the social media.  I reflected on the occasions I felt myself torn apart by indecision... but it wasn't about this... Not at all... I miss the life I had ~ I call it my glorious years in the mission field. I was young and impulsive. I didn't have second thoughts. Back then, the moment was right ~ pieces fit together.  I dreamt big. I wanted to be included in history as 'somebody' who did this or was good at that... But there was also a part of me that wished to remain ' hidden '... and that part could only be touched and visited by God. Early on this week, I finally got to visit a friend who was stricken by cancer. I didn't recognize her when I saw her ~ her face was bloated and she w...

I'm beginning to love October... It is the month of healing and recuperation for me. Song: My Love by Sia Furler  co written by Oliver Kraus Source:  http://idolator.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/ECLIPSE-soundtrack-My-Love-Sia.mp3 I had three  stillpoints  in my life outside the walls... First, when Sam left...  second, when my sister decided to experiment further with her future  and lastly, when a very close friend died in a tragic way. Something inside me craved for silence... not the one we know of ~ mute... cut off from contacts...   but the kind that is filled with the presence of the 'Other'. This time around 'we' meditated on ' protect '... ---- A particular memory of the 'street kids' we used to assist came to my mind. image adapted from a news photo in Tempo We took them out of the streets and provided them shelter, food and clothing... It was good for a time until we noticed a ...

"This heart scares easily..." - Rancho, Three Idiots   I found myself 'discussing' Three Idiots at four in the morning with a dear friend. It is an excellent movie ~totally hilarious and yet at the same time riveting . "Are some parts there realistic?," I curiously inquired ... "Do their parents determine their children's future ~ as engineers or doctors?" "Is suicide rate really high among students?" And my friend answered with a curt, "Yes..." ---------- The movie reminded me of high school ... Way back into our  Carpe Diem  days...  Henry   Thoreau, Robert Frost and of course,  Mr. John Keating... We were so eager to suck the marrows of life and contribute a verse! It was at that moment when my heart was awakened by the beauty of poetry and literature. I devoured Thoreau's contemplation of life and made them my own... Read: Where I Lived, and What I Lived For I con...

 I wish it could be like this... forever ! google image from Tangled A friend frantically wrote me, " No news for many days, are you okay? "   Oh if you could only see me!  I am FEELING for the first time in many years... music: Sleeping at Last by Turning Pages device: opendrive.com It was an assignment I picked up since it started way back 2001. Where have I been all these years? Outside of myself! And now, I'm fully coming in. I am inside my 'body' ~ my own skin marked with history... MY story ...  Soul's Light: Rising from the Ashes I thought I could just fly to God leaving this body behind. Then he hushed me, "We communicate with Him not only with our heart (cuore) BUT also with our head (la testa) and feet (i piedi)... with our whole body (con tutto il nostro corpo)... --- If that is so... then what have I been doing sitting infront of my pc all day? CAMMINIAMO......

google image: Twilight   I couldn't... ---- I've been spending sleepless nights since Sunday (10.07.12)... I just couldn't bear that  'that part of me' dies... ---- music: A Thousand Years by Christina Perri device: opendrive.com * No copyright infringement intended My eyes rested on my Vision Board...  ---- For several months, my heart hibernated and refused to be awakened... I lost a piece of me... but there's a continuous glow that grows inside...  finding it's way   back... ------ I Come Back To Myself Slowly Shalom Freedman source:  PoemHunter.Com I come back to myself slowly I have been away for a time To another part of myself I do not want to be at all --- It is the part of Despair and Fear and Loss of Hope And guilt over my own unworthiness --- I have come back to myself a bit I am sort of alright There is not around me all this weight and cl...

" At Last " painting by Lauri Blank music: Carol Banawa's version of  If I Believe device: OpenDrive falling hearts:  Blogspot Tutorial Passion... Intimacy... Pure love... Rafa (Be still) ... ephphatha (Be opened)  ...rakhma (Love) ...

I roused from a dream of a storm ...  Water trickled from my room 's ceiling and the wind banged my window. I thought another flood was coming... I looked outside my window and to my surprise...  it wasn't raining heavily outside! The Spirit breathed into the dormant regions of my being.  Several days ago, God showed me the way to 'reconciliation' also through a dream. I 'felt' the changes it brought me afterwards ~ my body and mind were more relaxed.  Yesterday while listening to the priest's homily, the Lord brought up a memory from seven years ago. He pointed out a sin recurring because of postponement. Why am I terribly fond of delaying a decision? " Sin enslaves", I heard the Lord whispered. There's so much emotional blackmails tied in this ~ ALL because I lingered in another whirlpool .  And here comes the Lord leading me to the gates of freedom... choose  <life>! --- I looked at myself in the mirror an...