Ahuv Sheli

Sundays, we usually spend time together as a family...We often go to the mall after the celebration of the mass... My dad says, it's also a time off from the laptop and my virtual world... and relate with real people... For two consecutive Sundays now, my siblings have been coming with us to spend their time with their kids (my brother lives in las pinas... while my sister usually comes late on weekdays)... I saw how happy the kids were to have their own parents around instead of their grandparents... But last Sunday was quite different... there was in me, for the past few weeks, a certain change that I never fail to notice... even with the absence of Sam for a week... I saw myself serene... I was talking more with my sister (we usually end up in fights)... I was more benevolent towards my dad... I was more concerned with my brother... I played more with the kids... I remember that at that time, I wrote my specific goals in life... dreams rec...

After several weeks of infanticide and fetal abandonment issues in September, once again the country is shaken by news of gang rape in separate instances (including the abuse of two female high school students by a fraternity) and the infamous RH bill. http://jlp-law.com/blog/full-text-of-house-bill-no-5043-reproductive-health-and-population-development-act-of-2008/ As a nurse, women would come to me seeking advice for birth regulation. So far, I have taught them the natural means (Rhtyhm Method, Ovulation Method and the Basal Temperature) with special awareness in their menstrual cycle and the changes occurring in their body. Today (the present moment), both young male and female friends would confide to me and blatantly tell me that TEMPERANCE is for the saints and FORNICATION is normal. They'd ask me about birth regulation too but with a special thought on a woman's safe and unsafe days... Sad to say, most of those who sought counsel were already infected....

“ Do you have plans to marry?” The question was abrupt. It took me a while to absorb its weight. I mused in search of a quick reply. One doesn’t ask this type of questions to a person who just awakened from deep slumber...  I gazed at my dad stuporously  wondering what he’s driving at... he continued, “Do you have plans to marry ........ the laptop? You’re spending too much time with an inanimate object again...”  addressing the objects of my affection to my books, keyboards, paint brushes and pens... My dad has his way of driving a point and for the first time I couldn’t bring myself to argue with him (he might take away the laptop forever... nyahahahaha!)...He has always been tolerant of my “misuse” and “overuse” of things --- I knew he wanted me to discover the “lessons” behind them for myself. In fact, I’m living a very comfortable life right now. Even my mom was lauding my single celibate state. Problems on married life keep on presenting themselves at o...

I can't seem to get him out of my mind... the memories of what we used to do together hit me like a whiplash...only that the existing trauma is in my heart... Music: Everytime We Touch by C ascada  Image: Twilight google image no copyright infringement intended What magic potion had he used to make me fall for him like this? I told myself over and over again that our relationship was void from the beginning and yet I unhesitatingly jumped into Cupid's abyss, wrapped in love's passion, totally lost in its pretense of infinity. Heat was a primary substance I cannot endure. The mere sight of him, his smell, his voice, his caresses made me desire him more. His insatiable kisses aroused my innermost being... I've never been so intimately involved with anyone before... I craved to penetrate the minutest details of his thoughts...his heart and lay there forever untouched by life's daily strife...and yet I'd wake up every mor...

"Attirami a Te, O Celeste Sposo! Dietro a Te correremo attrati della dolcezza del Tuo profumo..." (" Draw me   to Thee ,   O   Celestial   Bridegroom !   behind  Y ou we   will run   attracted by  the   sweetness   of  Y our perfume   ... ") -Scritti di Chiara d' Assis, Lettera Quarta, Fonti Francescane, vol.II, Assisi, 1977,2294 A friend was sharing her experiences of her dying loved one and as we comforted each other, I told her the art of crossing over. "...I pressed her hand to allow her to feel my presence... " My closest encounter with the dying came soon after my friend and I attended a seminar on hospice care. It was just being introduced in our community. And the timing was great because one neighbor was suffering from breast cancer and was in need of support. Thoughts of visiting her filled my mind until one day we were given the go-signal. Her husband recounted that she slipped i...

W e've started out as friends but even then, I already considered you as my most intimate. Have you ever noticed that I had a crush on you? I was your biggest fan... You were my confidant, spiritual director, confessor... so you had an edge among our co-travellers...  I guess because you knew how to read other people's hearts... and we'd often find ourselves thinking and saying the same things over our chatboards... having that "rainbow connection"---we're both lovers and dreamers... you paved the way to my inner freedom... sincerity towards my innermost thoughts and feelings... you often asked me when I will ever get to bow out of the scene... as if to tell me to live my life away from the screen for a while ---- some people call the house an asylum but here I find my peace among my books and my virtual friends ---- hey, but I did... do you remember when I went to Malaysia after I cried my heart out for... you know who...I was devastated... broken-hearted......

June 19, 2013 Two years have passed (with the original reflection coming from 2009, a total of four years) and yet the story keeps on evolving into different forms. Reflecting again on this with the news we have received from yesterday ( Embassy execs linked to sex ring ordered back to Manila for probe ) 2011 I believe women are not slaves. But recently I've reflected that some choose to become one, whether it be a slave of the flesh or desire to get what they want/need... while most women fall victims to predators (those who view women as the "weaker" gender). Talking with a foreigner friend one day, he admitted to using "free" pornographic sites and told me that he was surprised to see some Filipinas willing to bare before the webcam. Judging from the tone of his voice, he was expecting "us" to be quite different from the others. he added too, that the recent trend today is to marry a foreigner (especially from Europe/US) to ensure on...

It is okay to ask questions... When God asked me to offer Him my friends, my hands were closed... I wanted them to myself... I did after a while but retained a few... He visited me again and asked me to give Him ALL...  As I slept my way Monday night, a sudden rush of peace overcame me as I realized that the one I was holding onto wasn't born of real love... for a while, this person divided my heart and crushed me into pieces... And after that, I realized how much I was loved by Sam... and how much he protected me from this person...I should've listened earlier to keep me away from pain... but I realized that there are THREE who are always with me in the end... God...Sam...and my mom... I asked Sam to give me a hug yesterday... I felt him supporting me through everything...  What is it that I did? I set the other one free... my heart is made for Sam... As I begin my life today...at this hour at this very moment...I am still grateful for everything...