Ahuv Sheli

I was hesitant to go Mass. I woke up weary, overwhelmed by work and a little discouraged. My niece’s comment about people who go to Mass daily but remain unkind echoed in my head, along with posts I’d read about how non-Catholics seem to live better than Catholics. I knew these were excuses... but still, I felt unworthy. Yet, in the midst of that hesitation, something in me longed to be near Jesus. To be present before Him, even in my sinfulness. So I went to Mass at night. The brothers were there. I’ve been praying for them, but in that moment, I felt their prayers embracing me too. It was as if the Lord was saying, “You are not alone.” Fr. Besa’s homily struck me deeply. He spoke of silence after the festivities --- after the grand celebration of Our Lady of La Naval, the novena Masses, the procession, the joy and noise --- comes the stillness. The quiet. The return to ordinary life. And yet, he said, it is in that silence that Our Lady touches our hearts. It is there, in the simple ...

From Counting Losses to Counting Blessings Before I began my Road to Fifty Reflections... my personal journey of 365 reflections, I reread the very first entry I wrote on my blog more than a decade ago. I smiled at how I used to write so smoothly, but my heart felt the weight of those words. Beneath the eloquence were traces of resentment and pain. I remember how I avoided people, dodging every invitation that might make me confront the wounds I refused to heal. It wasn’t until 2019, after a life-changing encounter with the Lord in Jerusalem, that I finally laid down the burden I had been carrying for years. For the longest time, I measured my life by what I had lost --- the failures, the heartbreaks, the moments I fell apart. I rose and fell again, over and over, until I reached a point when life itself felt too heavy to bear. But the Lord... patient, merciful and faithful... never gave up on me. He gave me chance after chance, gently leading me back to life, one step, one grace at a...

Yesterday, our church celebrated the Feast of Our Lady of La Naval. Fr. Felimon’s homily felt like a continuation of the podcast I listened to recently... it spoke once again of the power of prayer [through the intercession of our Blessed Mother]. He shared the story of Blessed Bartolo Longo, a man whose life became a living witness to how Mary truly is the BEARER OF HOPE. Bartolo had once fallen into the darkness of Satanism and even served as a satanic priest. Yet, even in the depths of his sin, Jesus never abandoned him. The Lord surrounded him with people who would lead him back --- one of them a professor and another a Dominican priest who introduced him to the Blessed Mother. Through the Rosary, Bartolo found his way from despair to redemption, from bondage to grace. His life so moved the Church that St. John Paul II later drew inspiration from him when he introduced the Luminous Mysteries... mysteries that shine with the light of Christ’s public ministry. I realized that no one ...

I was listening to a podcast about a man who had a near-death experience. He said that after taking drugs and attempting suicide, he found himself descending into a dark, terrifying place --- hell. His account wasn’t as detailed as that of St. Veronica Giuliani, but there were striking similarities. He shared that he was pulled back to life because of the fervent prayers of the people his mother gathered while he was in the emergency room. It was unsettling to listen to. I tried to imagine what he must have gone through and even just the thought of it sent chills down my spine. He said it was a place so full of despair that you wouldn’t wish it even on your worst enemy. He couldn’t recognize any faces there... only countless shadowed figures lost in anguish. Before that, he said the devil had tempted him, offering a false bargain, “It’s now or never.” The promise of escape, of bliss after death, turned out to be the greatest lie. The reality of eternal separation from God... a life wit...

Inner Freedom: Throwaway culture vs Minimalism from a Franciscan Lens Lately, I’ve been sorting through my things again... boxes of old art supplies, unused clothes, little trinkets that once meant something but now just gather dust. I tell myself I’m decluttering, but sometimes it feels more like circling around my attachments, moving them from one place to another without really letting them go. As I do this, I can’t help but think about the kind of world we live in... Pope Francis calls it a 'throwaway culture.' We buy, use and discard without much thought. Not just things, but sometimes even people, time and moments. We rush to replace what’s broken instead of mending it (🙈🙊 this is so me) and we numb the ache of emptiness by acquiring more. But maybe what I’m learning, slowly, is that SIMPLICITY isn’t about throwing things away. It’s about receiving and cherishing what truly matters. It’s not an act of rejection, but of reverence.  St. Francis didn’t live simply because ...

Called Amid a Nation’s Confusion I was listening to a conversation while riding the jeep. The discussion turned to the current administration and the previous one. The wife boldly told her husband that if the previous administration’s leader were to return and run again for the presidency, he would win. While what she said felt disconcerting (even disgusting), I couldn’t help but think she might be right. Even if he were brought home lifeless, as a mere memory or a shadow of his former self, many would still vote for him. And that made me wonder --- who is at fault? The system? Society? The lack of awareness and education? Or perhaps the deep hunger and poverty that make people cling to any promise of order, even if it is built on fear? The driver added, “Those under the previous administration were afraid to commit corruption.” That statement, so casually said, was painful to hear... not only because it was untrue, but because it revealed how little some of our people truly know. The...

Called Like Mary I began the day with a Mass celebrated by Fr. Rogelio dela Rosa, a priest I’ve known since sixth grade, back in my Dominican school days. The Gospel reading for the novena Mass was about the Visitation (from St. Luke), but Fr. Dela Rosa spoke of another “V” word: VOCATION . He reminded us that it comes from the Latin word vocare --- “to call.” As I listened, I found myself wondering: How do we discern this call in difficult circumstances? What about those with little or no opportunity --- those not born into the faith, or those who have suffered deeply in poverty, neglect or abuse? How can God’s call be heard amid so much pain and limitation? And the Spirit whispered to my heart, "In every circumstance, every story, every life... we are all called," first of all, to holiness. We may have been born into struggle or into comfort, may have walked through pain or privilege... yet God’s hand is always at work, weaving meaning and grace into every thread of our li...

Loving what is Sacred Lord, You have placed in my heart a love that I do not fully understand a love that feels both tender and impossible. I see in him Your light --- patience, gentleness and fidelity  and my heart responds, not just to him, but to the reflection of You that shines through him. Teach me, Lord, to see love not as possession, but as reverence to hold beauty without needing to own it, to feel closeness without crossing sacred lines. If my heart aches, let it be purified, not hardened. If my longing burns, let it become a prayer. May this love transform me  into someone more compassionate, more humble, more faithful to the path You have written for me. Help me to love rightly not by holding on, but by letting go with peace; not by taking, but by blessing from afar. In this hidden affection, let me learn what it means to love with a serene and acquiescent heart a heart that seeks You in all things, and rests in Your will above all else. Amen.

 “This Is My Body” I came across a post that struck me deeply ~ a reminder that Jesus, in His infinite humility, chose to enter the world through the womb of Our Blessed Mother. He did not come as a spirit hovering above the earth, but as flesh, as life growing in a woman’s womb. In that moment, the Word became flesh and the sanctity of the human body was forever affirmed. Reflecting on this, I can’t help but think of how our world treats the body today... the way life in the womb is dismissed through abortion, how the body is often violated or mutilated and how even our understanding of who we are  --- male and female --- is blurred by confusion and pain. We live in a time that proclaims autonomy over the body, as if it were something separate from the soul, something we can alter or discard at will. Yet in the Eucharist, Jesus stands before us and says, “This is My Body.” These words echo through time ~ from the manger to the Cross, from Mary’s womb to the altar. They are a ...

I found the term... "hustle culture." Hustle culture, I realize, is often born not from one’s own will, but from pressure of what others might think.  Society has shaped a belief that we must always be doing something... working, producing, earning... as if stillness were laziness and rest were weakness. I have often been 'accused' of not doing enough, of taking on too much, of working double or triple jobs. But it was never for wealth or vanity. When salaries remain small and the prices of food and living climb higher each day, one cannot help but move, strive and survive (kahit nakakapagod na 😥)... Yet I wonder  ~ why do others feel envy instead of empathy? Why do people measure others’ worth by their busyness or possessions, instead of the sincerity of their struggles? If we could only look with eyes of understanding instead of judgment, perhaps the world would be a gentler place. At the end of the day, I remind myself that I’m not living to impress anyone... It’s...

There was a cloud in my heart today... I’m trying to hold on to TRUST... to believe that the Lord will provide... yet I can’t deny the fear that comes with financial struggles and the thought of not having enough for retirement. In these moments, I find myself turning again to Our Blessed Mother... I ask Her to teach me how to trust, how to hope, how to keep believing that God will walk with me through it all. She lived in simplicity, with nothing much to call Her own, yet Her heart was full of FAITH. God always provides what is enough... maybe not in abundance, but always in love. I thought, too, of St. Francis, whose feast we celebrate today. He and the saints never chased wealth or comfort. They embraced 'poverty' and found freedom there. It’s hard to understand sometimes, but maybe that’s where the secret lies --- when we have less, we cling more tightly to God. Still, I can’t help but think of my nephew, of the many needs of our family and even of my pets who depend on me...

Our Blessed Mother ~the paragon of humility, the quiet strength behind every “yes” to God. Yesterday marked the beginning of the novena for Our Lady of La Naval.  With Her enthronement, we hail Her as our Queen and Mother, our protector and our model of chastity. I formed a special bond with our Blessed Mother through a spiritual friend who would fetch me in the early mornings. Together we prayed the Lauds, and afterwards, the rosary that became the rhythm of our mornings. He introduced me to the Twin Hearts of Jesus and Mary and entrusted me with a prayer we could recite in common. He once drew my attention to the hands of Our Blessed Mother in Michelangelo’s Pietà. Her palms, open and empty, spoke of surrender --- total surrender to the Father’s will...even in sorrow, even as the sword pierced Her heart. Her willingness to embrace God’s will, no matter the cost, remains a lesson I must learn each day. As bearer of Hope, Her humility shines like a guiding star --- teaching me that...

I cannot accept certain ideologies, such as transgender activism that promotes gender ideologies, abortion advocacy and sexual behaviors that endanger children, because they cross moral boundaries that should never be blurred.  When I see them promoted on television, in books, in online games, on social media, celebrated in parades and even taught in schools, I perceive it as a deliberate effort to normalize what is wrong. What troubles me most is how this visibility affects children. Young people are impressionable and when they are CONSTANTLY EXPOSED to these messages, they may grow up confused about what is right and wrong. Instead of protecting innocence, society risks endorsing values that undermine it. While advocates may argue that visibility is about “inclusion” or “freedom,” I see it as an erosion of the moral foundations that hold communities together. Certain things, especially those that contradict natural law and put children at risk, should never be treated as accepta...

During a retreat at Good Shepherd, I found myself drawn to the Autobiography of St. Thérèse. I found the "Story of a Soul" on the prayer desk of a sister inside the chapel where I read some pages (I eventually biught the book). What stayed with me was how ordinary her life was... and yet, how extraordinary her love. So many within the walls loved Jesus in St. Thérèse. I remember that even my former superior eventually became a Carmelite a few years after I left. We all desired, in some way, to be like her because she showed that holiness could be lived in the simplicity of everyday life, just by choosing TO BE LOVE. Tonight, as I wind down, I listened again to Bishop Barron’s talk on St. Thérèse... and once more, I felt edified by her “little way.”

September always feels different for me. While most Filipinos see it as the start of the Christmas season --- with carols playing everywhere and decorations slowly appearing --- for me, it signals something else entirely. It’s the time when my life shifts into panic mode... Deadlines loom, articles need to be published, and this year, AFES is happening at the same time. The pressure doubles, the to-do list grows longer... and I often wonder how everything will fit into such little time. Still, I remind myself... one day... one task at a time... BREATHE.

Pets or Pests? In one of Mom’s sermons on community cats, she spoke about how they can be both a challenge and a blessing. The other day, I found myself wondering the same thing: Are cats becoming pests now, since there seem to be so many of them around? On one hand, I see how their growing numbers create challenges... the noise when they are in heat, the mess of their waste in pots and on the ground, even the risks to health (such as toxoplasmosis) and to the balance of nature (as they hunt rodents, birds and lizards). And yet, in the light of faith, I cannot simply call them “pests.” I once overheard one of Belle’s theology classes, where it was mentioned that animals have souls, specifically, a 'sensitive soul.' This was really an eye opener. Scripture reminds us, “God saw all that He had made, and it was very good” (Genesis 1:31, NIV). From the very beginning, God entrusted humanity with the task “to work and take care of” the garden (Genesis 2:15 NIV). This shows that we a...

I am two or three days behind in my Road to Fifty reflections, which are usually drawn from the Gospel or from the happenings of the day. So now, I’ll try to gather my thoughts from the days I’ve missed. Yesterday, I shared about the quiet heaviness I carried in my heart. It was not only because of the dying newborn kitten, but also because I had been unkind to its mother. Since we cannot take in more community cats to feed, I would often shove her away or spray her with water. Many times, I act more from the pressure of my surroundings than from charity... and that saddens me, because it is contrary to what I preach. I also wondered if the mother cat did not tear off the sac of her kittens because she herself had no safe place to raise them… or perhaps she was too poorly nourished or stressed. Moving forward, I pray that I may act more spontaneously out of charity and not out of fear of what others might say.

This morning, I went to Mass carrying a quiet heaviness in my heart. I had woken up hopeful, not even drowsy from the medicine I’ve been taking. But before I left, I found a newborn kitten lying by the gate. At first, I thought it was gone, but then I saw its tiny breaths. The placenta was still there... I feared for its fragile life. When my mom said it would just be thrown away, my heart sank... but I had to go. As I entered the church, the Gloria had already begun. It was the Feast of the Archangels. My heart was heavy AND they were singing praises. In the midst of it, a still voice whispered to me: “You are not God.” Those words humbled and consoled me... I joined in the Gloria and lifted up both my sorrow and trust to the Lord. Today’s Gospel reminds us of Nathanael’s encounter with Jesus: “You will see heaven opened and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man” (Jn 1:51). It is a reminder that even in our moments of helplessness, GOD IS PRESENT... and His ange...

My only sweet escape from reality comes on weekends... at least from official work. Yet even then, I am still tugged by countless strings: side hustles for extra income and responsibilities at home. The endless cycle of 'things to do' is exhausting, but I cannot simply set the wagon down just because I crave rest. It’s like taking caring of children... there’s no day off nor real vacation. I long for a moment to quiet my mind and soothe my heart… just to pause, breathe and listen. Perhaps this is the cross I am meant to carry, yet it feels disheartening to see others so easily 'squander' money they have not earned through hard work 🙄 Still, I hold on,  hoping that even in the heaviness of work and responsibility,  I may find meaning...  and in the stillness I seek, a small taste of peace.

"You will find out that CHARITY is a heavy burden to carry, heavier than the kettle of soup and the full basket. But you will keep your gentleness and your smile. It is not enough to give soup and bread. This the rich can do. You are the servant of the poor, always smiling and good-humored. They are your masters, terribly sensitive and exacting master you will see. And the uglier and the dirtier they will be, the more unjust and insulting, the MORE LOVE you must give them.  It is only for your love alone that the poor will forgive you the bread you give to them."  ~St. Vincent de Paul --- Oftentimes, when I give something (to a beggar)... whether bread or money... I catch myself expecting a smile or at least a word of thanks in return. My intentions may be genuine, yet I still feel a sting of offense when the gift I offer seems unappreciated — when they ask for something else, or even for more. Today, a spiritual friend shared with me these words of St. Vincent de Paul. They ...

This morning, Fr. Simon Peter said that many of us, like Herod in today’s Gospel, only "know" about Jesus. We hear stories, we know His teachings, BUT we do not always come to that 'deeper knowing' that comes from REAL encounter and relationship.  The danger of staying at the level of CURIOSITY is that it DOES NOT CHANGE US.  Herod was curious, but he remained restless, even fearful, because he never allowed himself to truly know Jesus. Deep in his heart, Jesus was a 'threat.' The same happens in our relationships with others.  Often, we “know” people the way we know celebrities... we hear about them, see their image and make quick judgments based on shallow impressions. It becomes easy to criticize, hate or dismiss them because we have never truly sought to understand them... to encounter their struggles.  Just as curiosity about Jesus without intimacy left Herod unsettled, our superficial “knowing” of others leaves room for judgment rather than compassion. ...

I often hear people say [whether at home or at work]: “It’s their generation.. we just have to understand the way they act or think...” But why do we excuse it so easily? Instead of shrugging it off or dismissing it as “just their generation,” shouldn’t we be asking: WHO raised them? WHO shaped their values? WHO allowed this mindset to grow? They are the "children of 'our' time"... molded by the choices we made, the standards we set, the comfort we gave. They are privileged not by accident, but because we made things easier, 'softer,' more convenient.. often at the cost of resilience, discipline and responsibility. And on a darker side, let’s admit it: we are also the ones introducing confusion -“grooming” them to be the way they are -for the sake of what we say will “make them happy.” So before we complain about 'this generation,' let us face it: they are not only a reflection of us... they are the consequence of us.  If we truly care about the future...

I  recently snoozed a friend who kept posting against Charlie Kirk.  I respect differing views, but I find it unsettling to criticize someone who has already passed away.  The truth cannot be unheard - there is only ONE truth and we must remain firm in it.  Voices may clash, legacies may be debated, but TRUTH stands. The ones defended by men like Charlie point us toward the ultimate TRUTH --- JESUS --- Who alone will cast LIGHT to every shadow and ORDER to every confusion.

I have nothing against those who rally against corruption. But it reminded me of what our superior delegate once told us years ago: kneel before the Blessed Sacrament instead of joining rallies. Looking back, I now understand why... the battle is not only against human corruption, but also against the deeper desires implanted by the evil one --- turning money into a false god. The outrage the misuse of funds has opened many eyes, but corruption has long been with us.  The deeper question is: how do we respond in our own lives? From 'simple acts' like proper waste disposal and flood control [ wala kang karapatang magreklamo o magrally laban sa gobyerno kung ang basura mo itinatapon mo sa kalsada or worse, iniiwan mo kung saan saan ]... to the way we manage our money and businesses [ nagpapasweldo ka ba ng tama o sapat sa sarili mong manggagawa? ].  Have we been 'fair' to our own communities and to those we work with? The REAL fight begins not in the streets, but in the h...

Today, I want to pay tribute to Dr. David Cooper, one of the humblest people I have encountered through work... a world-renowned thyroid expert and author. He has been with our journal as a reviewer since 2010, back when we were just starting out and not even indexed. Without hesitation, he said yes and became one of our pioneers, supporting us until we finally reached PubMed. Now that he has stepped back from external work, I feel a little sad, but mostly grateful. He gave me confidence, strength and a lasting reminder to be humble at all times.

I began my ‘Road to Fifty’ reflections today, posting them first on Facebook. Now, I feel moved to share them here on this blog as well. These reflections are my way of pausing, looking back and thanking God for His faithfulness through the years. I warmly invite you to journey with me, reflect with me and perhaps share how God has also been at work in your own life.   September 19, 2025  As I begin the first day of my road to fifty, I would love to look back on the joyful moments we have shared. May I ask my family, friends and loved ones to share photos, videos, blog link collaborations, messages of our happy times together? Your presence has been one of the greatest blessings of my life and I am deeply grateful for each of you🙏  This video is for reflection purposes only. I do not own the rights to the music.  Music copyright belongs to its respective owner.